Fall into the Deluge
by FlashBandita
Summary: Seventeen year old Lizzie leads a pretty average, calm, and simple life. When she meets Veronica, the new girl at school, a close friendship between the two girls develops and ends up proving to be much more. FEMSLASH. CHAPTER 8 ADDED.
1. Hello, My Lovely

Author's Notes: I quit watching the show before it was even cancelled, but I have had this idea for a fanfiction for quite sometime now, so I have finally decided to write it. This is my first Lizzie McGuire piece, so be gentle! And a fair warning: **If you are at all against homosexuality, turn back now.**

**CHAPTER 1: Hello, My Lovely**

I could feel the early morning sun greeting me through closed lids. I opened my eyes, just a crack, and was met with bright rays, commanding me to leave the warmth and comfort of my bed. An unpleasant groan escaped my sour-smelling breath, followed by a loud yawn. Reluctantly, I rose from bed and stretched, my muscles felt like I had just released them from years of imprisonment and now they were celebrating.

It was time for school.

I loathed school. I loathed it with a deep burning passion that spread to my limbs and made me clench my fists with anger. I suppose there was no real reason for my strong hatred of school. Well, at least no obvious one. To the casual observer, I pretty much had it made for a seventeen year old senior in high school: Straight As, wonderful friends, a loving family.

But I didn't have someone to love. I didn't have someone to love me. And I was alone. So very alone. I felt the emptiness inside, hollowing out my body until there was nothing left but a shell of a girl. There was no one at school who I was romantically interested in. I hadn't been interested in anyone since middle school.

I quietly laughed. _Middle school. Seems like that was a million years ago._

But, in retrospect, those so-called "romantic interests" weren't really interests at all. I was desperately seeking the normality that is being a teenage girl and having a boyfriend. I wanted to be like everyone else; Have the boyfriend, the clothes, the popularity. But I wasn't like everyone else. There was something very different about me that I could never quite put my finger on. And it took me years to finally accept that.

Moving slowly, I made my way into the bathroom, my body feeling like jello. I stood in front of the mirror and carefully scanned my reflection; My long corn-silk locks fell haphazardly around my shoulders. My pores looked huge, like massive craters in some far away planet. My face was dotted with zits.

I shrugged.

"Nothing a comb and some cover-up can't fix."

I sauntered down the stairs and into the kitchen where my father was sitting at the table, his nose buried in the newspaper and a cup of piping hot coffee beside him.

My mother was leaning over the stove, focusing intently on flipping a pancake over on it's opposite side.

"Good morning," I said, rather cheerfully.

Dad just gave a small nod, acknowledging my presence without even looking away from the paper.

Mom, on the other hand, was always so attentive. She turned and looked in my direction, a big grin forming on her face. I watched as her eyes looked over my body, moving up and down.

I felt uncomfortable under the scrutiny.

"Lizzie, that is such a nice outfit! Oh, and your hair looks so good, too." she chirped.

I smiled and looked down at my clothing. A dark brown blouse with bell sleeves, dark blue jeans, and black flip-flops. _Nothing special, mom. Just a simple outfit._ Then I touched my hair, which was pulled halfway back. _Nothing special there, either. Why does my mother always think I look so wonderful?_

I thanked her and took a seat at the table.

"Do you want pancakes, sweetie?"

"You know it, mom."

Mom was an incredible woman. She was always being the dutiful wife and mother, cooking and cleaning and offering advice. And she never complained about any of her motherly obligations. She just went through with them with a smile on her face. She was always giving with out any expectations.

"So, this is your final year of high school," dad said, finally pulling his eyes away from the paper and looking at me.

I just nodded.

"You going to miss it when you graduate?"

I almost choked on my orange juice from letting out a small laugh at his ridiculous question.

"Hell no!" I exclaimed, my throat burning and my eyes watering from my brush with choking on the early morning beverage.

Dad laughed and shook his head.

"Hey, bitch face."

I looked up to see my younger brother, Matt, standing a few feet away from me with a wicked smile on his face.

"MATTHEW!" my mom's voice bellowed. "What did I tell you about using that kind of language?"

Matt stood there, looking like a deer caught in headlights. He began to whine.

"But you let Lizzie cuss all the time!"

My father corrected him. "Not THAT much, but she's older anyway. You are only fourteen."

"Yeah," Matt said, folding his arms across his chest, "But you obviously don't know how we freshmen let the obscenities fly out."

Mom put two pancakes on the empty plate in front of me. I grabbed the syrup and drenched the delicious fluffy circles in the sugary sweet goo. I picked up my fork and began poking at one.

_God, this is going to be such a long day._

As I opened the double glass doors, I was hit with a suddengust of cool air.

The halls were crowded with bustling high school students. A sea of heads and elbows and hands and backpacks.

A few of them kept hitting into me, on accident I'm sure, but being jabbed in the chest by some sophomore's shoulder was enough to piss me off for an eternity.

"Watch your goddamn step," I shouted, pointing at the boy.

"Shut the hell up," he yelled while running away.

I stomped over to my locker where my two best friends, Gordo and Miranda were standing.

"You look mad," Miranda said.

I opened up my locker, grabbed my first four period books, and slammed it shut with a loud bang.

"Today just isn't my day, Miranda. I hate this place. I hate it so much."

"Relax!" Gordo said, touching my arm. "You're getting all worked up. We graduate in June anyway."

I huffed and leaned back against my locker. "Yeah, but it's only January right now."

Miranda and Gordo, as if on cue, both rolled their eyes at me.

_Why do they have to be like that? Why can't they just try to understand? Sometimes they can be so insensitive._

As other students continued to pass, I watched as they stopped and said hi to Miranda. She was saying hello to them, smiling that pearly white smile, waving like a goddamn fake plastic beauty queen.

I couldn't believe how much she had changed.

Miranda, Gordo, and I had been best friends for years. We went through so much together. Miranda and I were always striving to be something better. We constantly sought out popularity and admiration from our peers. That is what we wanted.

Miranda got it.

I didn't.

The previous year, in eleventh grade, Miranda managed to find herself a boyfriend. Some guy named Jack, who Gordo and I appropriately nicknamed 'Jack Ass'. I didn't particularly like the boy from the first moment that I met him. He struck me as vulgar, careless, and shallow. He would tease anyone and everyone, pay other people to do his assignments, and skip classes to go outside to the parking lot and get high with his equally trashy friends. But Miranda was blind. She was convinced that he was some terrific guy.

They began having sex two months after they started dating. Two months. Talk about jumping the gun. And to make matters worse, she would share every detail of their sexual escapades with me.

It disgusted me, like a firm hand wrapping around my stomach and squeezing it.

I stood by her side though, continuing to play the role of the best friend, listening to her bitch about every single one of his obnoxious idiosyncrasies and supporting her through three false pregnancy scares.

It angered me. It frustrated me. Especially when she stopped spending time with Gordo and I and devoted every single hour to her precious dead-beat boyfriend. He took her to wild parties and introduced her to a social circle that both she and I had always dreamed of being a part of. It was as though she jumped into a convertible onto the fast road to popularity and left me standing behind in the dirt storm caused by the screeching tires.

And then it happened. Jack dumped her ass. And she ended up on my doorstep at eleven o'clock at night, broken hearted with mascara tear-stained cheeks.

I automatically went back to the role of the best friend without any hesitation. I helped her mend the wounds left by Jack, and I forgave her for most of what she did to me, but I still held a grudge against her. There was a distance between us after that that nothing could close - not even hours of phone conversations and confessed secrets. The friendship had been tainted. I had been tainted. I was used and pushed aside. She still remained friends with all of the 'popular' kids who she got to know while she was with Jack, and every time I saw her laughing with one of them or walking through the cafeteria chatting away with one of them, I felt a bitter stab of anger.

She was fake. Everyone was fake. Except for Gordo, who remained my closest friend and confidante throughout the trials and tribulations of high school.

The bell rang and everyone scurried to homeroom. I felt someone's elbow poke me in the back. I almost turned around and hollered at the culprit, but I decided to just let it go.

_Screw it._

I was sitting in the library alone at a table, staring at a complicated Calculus problem. The numbers danced through my mind as I tried to figure out the equation. But the problem just kept getting blurrier and blurrier the longer I stared at it.

I slammed my book shut in a fit of anger and brought my fingers up to my temples, rubbing either side. Looking around the library, curious about what everyone else was up to, my eyes stopped on a girl standing over by the bookcases. This girl was new. I had never seen her before at school. She was leaning against one of the bookcases, a book in her hand.

I carefully studied her.

She was obviously engrossed by the book. Her brow was furrowed, and I saw her chestnut brown eyes moving over the words, taking each one in and locking it inside of a special place in her memory. Her light auburn hair fell down around her face and past her shoulders. It reminded me of the color of a leaf that you would see falling from a tree on a cool Autumn afternoon. Her skin was smooth and milky. Her body was thick and voluptuous – she was not overweight, but she had curves. She wore a fuzzy long-sleeved maroon sweater that flowed over her body, all the way down to her knees. She also had on black baggy dress slacks and black shiny boots.

There was something about her. Something that I found fascinating. I didn't know what it was, but I chalked it all up to the fact that I had never seen her before.

I found myself staring at her for the longest time. She must've felt my eyes on her because she slowly looked up and shyly smirked in my direction.

I felt my cheeks burning. I smirked back and quickly averted my gaze down to my Calculus book. I opened it back up and pretended that I was busy, when I was really trying to make myself look like someone who wasn't just staring at someone else!

As I attempted to scrunch my face up to make myself look confused at what was in the book, a faint smell of vanilla suddenly filled my nose, and I felt a presence at my side. I looked up to see two dark pools staring down at me.

"Hi," this mystery girl said softly, her auburn tresses framing her face.

"Hi," I said, smiling. "You can sit down, if you want."

She took a seat next to me and put her book down in front of her.

"The Catcher in the Rye," I said, motioning toward the book and reading the cover.

"Yeah," she said, bunching her shoulders up. "I think you saw me standing over there by the bookcases reading it."

Suddenly, I felt embarrassed.

_Is she trying to say that she knows I was staring?_

She must've seen the embarrassment in my face because she touched my wrist and asked what was wrong.

"Nothing," I said, trying to force a smile.

I looked into her face. There was something different about her, something that I had never seen before in another human being. She was very interesting to me.

"Are you new here?" I asked.

"Yes, this is my first day, actually."

"Oh wow. Well, welcome. My name is Lizzie McGuire."

"I'm Veronica. Veronica Royersbea."

_Veronica. That is a very nice name. _

"You look like a Veronica!" I said with a laugh.

She let out a soft chuckle.

_What an interesting girl. She doesn't seem to be like anyone else from this school._


	2. And So it Goes

Author's Notes: Thank you so much to the few people who actually reviewed the story. Here is the second chapter.

**CHAPTER 2: And So it Goes**

As I stared at my chicken sandwich, I felt a bit of disgust rising from deep down inside of me, making its way to my throat.

I wanted to vomit.

The chicken looked awful. It was soggy and the meat had a tint of green to it.

_Chicken isn't supposed to be green._

Looking at the rest of the food on my tray, the environment around me kept drowning in and out, like a station on a radio that comes in and goes out, then comes back in again only to go out once more. The chatter in the large cafeteria of my peers filled my ears for a moment and then escaped me. I heard snippets of Gordo and Miranda's conversation about our geeky Anatomy teacher. I was there, but not really. The words of these people did not interest me. I wasn't interested in gushing over the new Brad Pitt movie, or talking about the sale that the Style Shack was having. I didn't want to exchange words with anyone. They all bored me so.

And then I looked up and saw her, hunched over timidly and clutching her tray. Her wide chocolate eyes were looking around the tables, seeking a place to sit. Seeking acceptance. Seeking a familiar face.

I couldn't help but stare at her. I looked her up and down, taking everything about her in. There was something about her that drew me in like a giant twister draws in every single thing that is in its path.

When she glanced at me, I motioned for her to come to my table. Her face broke out into a huge grin that stretched from ear to ear. I never saw anyone smile like that; With their entire soul.

"Hi, Veronica!" I said excitedly, thrilled that she was beside me.

"Hi," she said quietly, bowing her head and smirking.

_This girl is so shy. _

I found myself staring at her once again. I couldn't help myself. It was uncontrollable.

But this time, her eyes met mine and she stared back. And we both just sat there, watching one another, forgetting about the world around us, until –

"Lizzie!"

Miranda's voice snapped me out of my reverie. I looked up at her.

"Aren't you going to introduce us?"

"Miranda, Gordo, this is Veronica. Veronica, these are my best friends, Miranda and Gordo."

Veronica gave a tiny smirk and said hello.

"Are you new here?" Gordo asked.

Veronica nodded.

"Well, this place isn't too bad, so you have nothing to worry about," Miranda assured her.

Veronica gave them both a small smile again and looked down at her tray. She picked up her chocolate Snack-Pack and struggled to pull the silver paper off the top of it, but was unable to get the damn thing off.

"Here," I said, taking the pudding out of her hand, "Let me help."

I managed to pull it off and I handed it back to her, along with the tricky silver paper.

"That's my favorite part," I said, pointing to the paper. "The back of that is covered in chocolate pudding. I always take that off and lick it clean before I even dip into the pudding in the cup!"

Veronica's eyes lit up.

"Really? That's my favorite part too."

I smiled.

"Do you want it?"

She extended the silver paper towards me.

"No, no, I have my own pudding cup right here with the top ready for me!"

"You sure?"

"I am. You can have that one. I want you to."

She looked at the silver paper, stuck her tongue out, and licked the chocolate off of it.

_Wow._

"I wouldn't eat that chicken if I were you," I said, pointing to the sandwich on her tray.

"Why not?"

"Well, it's certainly not edible. The meat is all soggy and it looks green."

Veronica cringed.

"They don't really give us much of a lunch, though. A nasty ass sandwich, a small container of milk, a cup of peaches, and pudding. What a rip-off!"

Veronica giggled and nodded in agreement as she ate her pudding.

I watched her.

Even the way that she ate was timid. She would put her head down, dip her spoon into the chocolate, slowly bring it to her mouth, pull the spoon out, and use her hand to cover her face as she swallowed it.

_There is something about this girl._

She was so shy, so quiet, so delicate looking. She was innocence and sincerity personified. I felt like she was a hidden treasure, waiting to be discovered. There was much more to her than met the eye. I wanted nothing more than to get to know her – everything about her. It was weird. I had never been so excited to be around anyone else before, and I never wanted so badly to know all of the small details of another person's life.

With Veronica, it was different. She was different. What I had thought earlier about everyone at school boring me suddenly proved to be untrue. This was one girl in particular who didn't bore me at all.

I noticed that a strand of her hair had some pudding in it.

"You have pudding in your hair."

"I do? Where?"

She was tugging at pieces of it, trying to find the chocolate resting on that one auburn lock.

I moved closer to her and, taking my hand, got hold of the piece of hair and ran my finger down the length of it, the pudding gliding right onto my fingertips.

Veronica pursed her lips and gave me a smile.

"Thanks."

"No problem."

I wiped the chocolate onto a napkin and picked up my cup of peaches, giving them gentle stabs with my plastic fork as I glanced at her every so often out of the corner of my eye.

**-NEXT-**

I walked into English, my final period of the day. I was exhausted. I felt my muscles aching and my bones begging for rest as I sat down at my desk.

And then a familiar smell filled my nostrils. It was vanilla perfume.

I looked up and saw Veronica staring down at me.

"Hey, Lizzie, uh…"

"Veronica, hey yourself. Are you in this class?"

"Yeah. This is English, right?"

"Yep, with Mr. Treskadar."

Veronica exhaled, looking ever so relieved.

"I was afraid that I would end up in the wrong class or something."

"Hey, it happens. You can sit beside me if you want. Danny Krestler used to sit there until he got busted for bringing cocaine to school. Now he's in juvenile hall."

"You don't mind?"

"What? You sitting there or Danny ending up in juvenile hall?"

Veronica giggled.

"About me sitting there, silly."

"Of course not! I could use the company."

She placed her books on the desk and sat down.

"This class is so boring," I moaned.

"I actually like English."

"You do?"

"Yep. If you, um, ever need any help with English work, I could definitely help you. Maybe we could get together or something and study."

She looked at me, her eyes saying something that I couldn't quite read.

"That'd be great. I'm not so good with this stuff. I manage to pass the class, but I really have no idea what I'm doing! Are you really that good in English? Not that I'm doubting you!"

"Yeah. At my old school, we read all of these great novels and plays. It was so much fun."

She paused for a moment.

"…Not that I'm a school nerd or anything. I just really like that type of stuff."

I smiled.

"Well yesterday, Treskadar told us that we would be starting a new novel today. It's called, um… 'Great Expectations' by some Charlie guy."

Veronica looked up at me through her auburn hair that hid her face like a veil.

"That's Charles Dickens, actually. 'Heaven knows we need never be ashamed of our tears, for they are rain upon the blinding dust of earth, overlying our hard hearts.'"

I gave her a quizzical look.

"That is from 'Great Expectations'. I've read it before."

Her cheeks turned pink and she lowered her eyes, pretending to be focused on her leather boots.

I was hit with a strong urge to comfort her.

"Hey," I said, reaching out and placing my hand on top of hers. "I think it's great that you love to read and can quote books. Who knows, maybe you can help me cheat on upcoming novel tests!"

She smiled.

I will never forget what it felt like to touch her hand. Her skin felt so soft and smooth. It gave me a sensation that I had never experienced before.

As my hand rested on hers, I felt her move her thumb and brush my index finger.

I quickly shook my head and pulled my hand away.

_What the hell am I doing? Gettin' weird, McGuire. Touching some girl's hand? What is that all about?_

Veronica looked embarrassed. I felt bad, I really did, but I was a girl, and girls don't touch other girls hands and make a big deal about the 'sensations' or whatever that it caused.

"Good afternoon, class."

Mr. Treskadar's greeting was met with annoyed groans.

"It's good to see you all, too. Now, as I informed you all yesterday, we will be starting Charles Dickens' novel, 'Great Expectations' today."

The class whined.

"Oh, I know you are so thrilled about this, but try to contain yourselves!"

As I tried to pay attention to Mr. Treskadar's droning, I could feel Veronica's eyes on me. I would turn my head here and there, and she would blush and quickly look another direction.

But I knew she had spent all period staring at me. I could sense it.

And I wanted to spend all period staring back.

**-NEXT-**

"I'm home."

My voice echoed through the house and was met with no answer.

_Where is everyone?_

I walked into the kitchen, my body feeling like someone spent hours wringing it with their hands like a soaking wet wash cloth.

I saw a note on the counter and instantly knew that it was from my mother. Her handwriting was unmistakable - one of a kind.

'Lizzie,

Your father and I had to take Matt to a dentist appointment and then get the oil changed in the car. We should be home at around six. There is leftover pizza in the fridge. Call the cell phone if you need anything!

Love,

Mom'

I sighed and stretched my tired body. My stomach growled ferociously, begging for nourishment. All I had eaten that day were a few peaches and some pudding.

_Pudding._

I smiled at the memory.

Opening up the refrigerator door, I grabbed two cold slices of pizza and headed up to my bedroom.

-NEXT-

"Veronica Royersbea."

I was lying on my bed, the calm, melodic voice of Sarah McLachlan coming from my speakers.

_Veronica. What a pretty name for a pretty girl._

I shook my head.

"Pretty girl? What am I thinking about?"

Well, she was pretty. Undeniably pretty. She gave off this gentleness, this softness, this honesty and sweetness. Her light auburn hair matched her personality very well – shy, delicate, compassionate. And she smelled so good. Oh so good. I had never smelled vanilla perfume like that in my entire life. I couldn't stop thinking about it.

At that time, I thought of it as nothing more than a friend admiring another friend, someone being fascinated by someone who was unlike any other person she had ever met in her entire life.

I just wanted to get to know her more. What was her favorite movie? Who was her favorite singer? What was her favorite food?

I had never had such an intense desire to get to know someone.

_I want to know her. I want nothing more than to know her. To know every single thing about her, right down to what the color of her bed sheets are._

I laid back, my body singing at the relaxation it had been craving all day. Staring at the ceiling and following the patterns the paint made – circles here, swirls there – I kept getting flashes of auburn locks and chestnut brown eyes and milky smooth skin and that tiny smirk as Sarah McLachlan's calming music filled the room.

'I have a smile  
stretched from ear to ear  
to see you walking down the road  
We meet at the lights  
I stare for a while  
the world around disappears  
Just you and me  
on this island of hope  
a breath between us could be miles'

**---------------------------**

Author's Notes: The above lyrics are from the song 'I Love You' by Sarah McLachlan. Please R&R. It would be much appreciated and would let me know whether or not I should continue!


	3. Silently Delicate

Author's Notes: Thank you very much to everyone who reviewed. I am so glad that people are enjoying this.

**CHAPTER 3: Silently Delicate**

"Lizzie, calm down there," my father said. "You have enough time."

I was devouring my scrambled eggs at the kitchen table. It was seven o'clock in the morning, which was rather early for me to be downstairs eating my breakfast. At that hour, I was usually in the bathroom, trying desperately to perfect my make-up job.

But not on that day.

I was in a hurry to get to school. For the past few days, I had found myself rushing out the front door at lightning speed, starry eyed with butterflies in my stomach. School was actually beginning to excite me, believe it or not. I went from dreading it like a seven year old dreads a cavity check at the dentist's office to actually looking forward to it. I would go home every single day and feel sorry that it was over, and spend all night in bed hoping that, if I closed my eyes, morning would come in a flash. At the time, I realized that it was an abrupt change, especially for a girl like me who loathed the florescent lit building full of utter boredom and adolescent despair. But my new friendship with Veronica made my days more bearable and enjoyable.

"You are going to get so fat if you keep on eating like that."

I looked up from the quickly diminishing white and yellow pile of eggs on my plate and shot Matt an icy cold glare.

"Shut up, Matt. I'm not even fat, anyway."

"No, but if you keep eating like a pig, you're going to balloon up to the size of the Good Year blimp."

He blew air into his cheeks and held it there and patted his stomach.

Sometimes I hated my little brother. Naturally he was a nuisance, as younger siblings are supposed to be. But he could really get carried away, shooting jabs at me that tore into my psyche like a bullet into flesh. We used to quarrel like all brothers and sisters do, but since he began high school, he just grew meaner and angrier and would lash out at me for absolutely no reason, shouting horrible things at me. And, although I acted like his words didn't matter, they could actually be quite painful to me.

"Lizzie, did you take the trash out?"

I looked at my mother.

"Yeah mom, did it last night, just like you asked."

My mother beamed and put her arm around my father. They were smiling at me.

"You are such a good daughter," dad said.

Mom added, "You do everything that we ask. You never cause any trouble. We're so lucky."

I grinned.

_It feels so good to have people take pride in me._

"Hey! What about me?" Matt asked.

My parents looked at him with skepticism.

"Uh," mom let out, unsure of what to say.

Dad jumped in to aid her.

"Well, you're… you're… really good at… um. Okay, remember when I asked you to clean the windows last week?"

Matt nodded.

"You did a great job at that."

Matt frowned.

Dad looked at his watch and said he had to run. He pecked my mother on the cheek and headed for the door, stopping to say goodbye to my brother and I. When my mother heard the door shut, she turned to the sink and began doing dishes.

Matt leaned towards me, his eyes full of anger.

"Oh, perfect little Lizzie, we're just so proud of her," he said in a low mocking whisper.

"You know Matt? You really are a jerk."

"And you're nothing but a stupid bitch. You can keep on getting the excellent grades and you can keep on making mommy and daddy proud, but I know who you really are. You're worthless. You're nothing."

I froze. I had nothing to say. His hateful words crawled into my mind, curling themselves up and nesting there permanently. I felt defeated. I felt naked. I felt bruised and broken.

_Why does he hate me so much? Is he right? Am I really that bad?_

I grabbed my purse and got up from the table, making my way towards the door and hanging my head low like a shamed and weakened animal.

**-NEXT- **

"Oh, you did not."

"Yes I did! I'm not lying."

"Come on Veronica, I don't believe you."

"I'm not lying, Lizzie. I really did meet Anthony Hopkins."

Veronica and I were standing at my locker, engaging in idle and amusing chit-chat.

"Where did you meet him?"

"I went to the premiere of 'Hannibal' in New York City when I was thirteen."

"Really? What was that like?"

"Seeing all of the stars was great and shaking hands with Anthony Hopkins was definitely a memorable experience, but the movie was lousy. 'Silence of the Lambs' was much better."

"I wouldn't know. I never saw either one."

"You're joking."

"Nope. Well, I saw some of 'Silence of the Lambs', but I had to stop watching it. It freaked me out! I can't watch scary movies alone. I'm such a wimp."

"You're not a wimp," Veronica said, touching my shoulder. "I can watch them with you. I'll let you squeeze my hand during scary parts. I can be, like, your protector!"

She smiled at me and kept her hand on my shoulder, lightly rubbing it. And it didn't bother me at all. I smiled back and we locked eyes for a moment when I heard my name being called out.

"Hey Lizzie," Gordo waved.

"What's going on?" Miranda asked.

Veronica quickly took her hand off of my shoulder, clasped her arms behind her back, and looked at the floor.

"Uh… not much. Veronica and I were just talking."

Gordo stared at me for a moment and let out a simple, "Mmhmm."

_Why does this feel like such an awkward moment?_

Miranda began talking.

"So, Lizzie, it's Friday. Got any plans?"

"No, not at the moment."

"Well, Gordo and I were planning on going over to the mall later. They are having this thing at the video game store. They're setting up all of these game systems and letting people choose games and play them for a while. It is going to be so cool. You want to come?"

"Let me guess, this was Gordo's idea."

Gordo raised his hands defensively.

"Hey now, wait just a minute. Miranda likes video games, too."

Miranda nodded.

"Gordo got me into them. It's all his fault!"

_Video games. Wow, sounds so goddamn boring. Why are these people so boring? What kind of friends do I have? And how do I turn them down? I already have some kind of an idea of what my plans for tonight are. Quick Lizzie, think of a lie._

"I can't. I have this thing, with the family. You know how it goes."

Miranda and Gordo exchanged unconvinced looks.

"Look guys, I'm sorry. I just can't."

A wave of silence hit us. There was thick tension floating in the air.

And then I noticed Gordo looking at Veronica, who was still staring at the ground. His eyes were moving over her. He looked as though he was trying to figure something out about her, to pull out all of her thoughts and feelings and examine them under a microscope.

That was when the bell ring.

_Thankfully._

"See you," Miranda said as she walked off.

Gordo followed her, but not before turning around to give one last questioning glance to Veronica and I.

_Veronica._

I looked at her. Her head was up now and she was looking back at me.

_Ask her, Lizzie. Go ahead. Just ask her._

"Veronica," I said, my voice quivering.

_Why am I acting like this? It is just a simple question. Why am I so nervous about it?_

"Yes?" she asked, her eyes widening.

"Do you want to – maybe you could – do you think might want to –"

"What?" she asked, letting out a small laugh.

"Do you want to hang out tonight? You could come to my house, spend the night."

I never saw anyone's face light up like hers did in that moment.

"But I thought you had plans with your family?"

"No," I said, shaking my head. "I got the days mixed up. I thought I was doing the family thing tonight, but actually it's next week."

She raised her brow, an incredulous expression on her face.

I knew that she was well aware that I had lied, but I didn't care. I had been planning on asking her over since the previous day.

"I would love to come over. I don't see why it would be a problem."

She grinned at me, and I was unable to contain my excitement. I'm sure it was visible on my face, stretching my mouth into a wide toothy smile.

I was thrilled at the idea of her coming to my house. Thrilled at the idea of her spending the night with me. Thrilled at the idea of getting to know her, right down to her very core.

_What the HELL am I thinking! She's just a friend coming over to spend the night, my god._

She saw my obvious happiness, like it was some kind of mystical orb in the pit of my being that was releasing a stream of light throughout my entire body and making my face glow. She began to giggle.

_I love it when she giggles. It is almost silent. I have to listen very closely to hear it. It is… delicate, like her._

**-NEXT-**

"So, what should I bring to our little sleepover?"

"Well, you know, the usual. Some pajamas, a change of clothes, a toothbrush, uh…"

"What about a blanket and a pillow? Don't I need to bring those?"

"Oh, no, you don't need to. I was thinking that we could just share my bed. I mean, it can fit two people, and I don't want you to have to sleep on the floor or anything."

She gave me that shy little smirk and simply nodded.

We were in English class and were supposed to be reading our novels, but whispering anxiously about our upcoming plans was much more important to the both of us. During that day, each time that we saw each other, we took the opportunity to discuss what we would be doing. At lunch, we found a nice little table and sat there, sharing words and smiles about these plans. I noticed Miranda shooting death glares my way from across the cafeteria, while Gordo would look at Veronica and me with unanswered questions on his face. And when I scribbled my telephone number and address on a piece of paper and handed it to Veronica, I saw them give each other a look out of the corner of my eye. I knew that they would be pissed about me neglecting them to sit and chat with Veronica, but strangely enough, I didn't care.

_I hope this day ends soon so that I can go home and prepare everything for Veronica._

"So, Lizzie, what time do you want me to come over?"

"How about… six-ish?"

She giggled.

_That giggle. Sometimes I think that I am the only person in this world who was meant to hear that giggle._

"What's so funny?"

"Nothing, it's just that you added an 'ish'. I think that's so cute."

Suddenly, her face was colored red and she looked down at her hands.

"I-I didn't mean… cute," she stammered.

I kept my eyes on the light red head that was staring downwards.

_She thinks what I said was cute? _

The thought of her finding something that I said cute made me feel, well, good. No, not good. Incredible.

"Miss McGuire? Miss Royersbea? Are you two talking when you are supposed to be reading?"

I looked at Mr. Treskadar, but Veronica kept her head down.

"No, Mr. Treskadar."

"Good, I hope not. You know Miss Royersbea, for someone who doesn't like to talk much, you sure do seem to love running at the mouth to Miss McGuire."

I saw Veronica's face redden even more. and I was overcome with the forceful urge to protect her.

_That fucking prick. Who does he think he is?_

"There's no need to say that to her, Mr. Treskadar, okay? We'll stop talking, but don't get mean with her."

"Miss McGuire, I wasn't getting mean with anyone. Just read your book and keep your mouth shut."

I glanced at Veronica, who brought her gaze up to mine and smirked at me in appreciation.

_Why does it feel so good to protect her?_

Then I remembered what she had said to me earlier about being my protector during scary movies and I smiled to myself.

_Could she be my protector? Could I be hers?_

**-NEXT-**

"Mom, I'm having a friend over tonight. Is that okay?"

My mother and I were standing in the kitchen. She was at the stove, stirring chowder with a ladle in a big shiny silver pot. Steam was rising from it, filling the kitchen which was boiling with heat. Beads of sweat dotted her forehead and dripped down her face.

_She works so hard. She works so hard to take care of us, even if it means slaving over a hot stove. Why is she so dedicated to her family?_

"Of course, sweetie," she said cheerfully, despite looking like a haggard and thirsty woman who had just traveled through a hot sandy desert, desperately in search of water.

"Okay, thanks mom. I knew you wouldn't mind."

"I never mind. You know that Miranda and Gordo are welcome here anytime, and they always come over anyway! So which one of them will be visiting tonight?"

"Actually, neither. It's not Miranda or Gordo. It's this new girl at school. Her name is Veronica."

Mom looked up from the scalding pot with a surprised and curious expression on her face.

"You have a new friend? Why haven't you told me about her?"

"What, am I supposed to advertise every time I get a new friend?"

"No! No, of course not, Lizzie. I'd just like to know what's going on in your life."

"I know, I'm sorry. She's great though, you'll really like her."

"Oh yeah? What's she like?"

"Well, she's really quiet. And we just get along well."

Mom nodded and went back to stirring.

**-NEXT- **

I spent an hour frantically tidying up my room. It wasn't even really a mess to begin with, but I wanted everything to be perfect for Veronica.

_Why do I want everything to be perfect for her?_

It was something new for me. I had been so careless when it came to Miranda and Gordo. I would invite them into my room, my bed unmade, a mountain of unwashed clothing on my floor, a desk littered with magazines.

But when it came to Veronica, I cared. I cared about her perception of me. I cared about her feelings towards me. I wanted to impress her. I had the no idea why.

_Because she's special._

After cleaning up my bedroom, I walked to my closet and stared at my array of shirts and pants and shorts and skirts. My taste in clothing was eclectic. I wore trendy outfits, I wore comfortable outfits, and I wore casual outfits. Variety was always the key with me. I felt as though it was essential in life.

_What would Veronica like to see me in? Does she like variety? Why do I even CARE?_

I grabbed at tight shirts, silky shirts, and frilly shirts – all the while furrowing my brow and tightly pursing my lips in concentration. It seemed much more difficult to find the rightoutfit than it was to take an exam at school, or to learn mathematical nonsense. I had so many choices, but I wanted to make the right one. I wanted to look good. I wanted to look good for Veronica.

Ultimately, I decided on a black button down blouse and a pair of khaki pants. After dressing myself, I pulled out my make-up bag and headed to my vanity, where I spent the next half-hour carefully applying eye shadow, eye liner, mascara, foundation, and powder. I topped it all off with some strawberry flavored lip gloss.

_Am I wearing too much make-up?_

The last item to take care of was my hair. After spending a good twenty minutes trying to figure out what style was best, I finally settled with wearing it down.

As I turned to walk out, feeling completely ready, I realized that I forgot one thing and ran back to my vanity. Opening the top drawer, I fished through hairbrushes and hair clips and old tubes of lipstick until I discovered what I was looking for. I pulled out the bottle of L'Air Du Temps and stared at it for a moment. At that point in time, it was the most exquisite and expensive perfume that I had ever owned. My mother purchased it for my sixteenth birthday at a price of forty-seven dollars, and I had only worn it once to my Aunt's wedding. It seemed too elegant of a perfume to wear to school or to the movies. The aroma of gardenias and jasmine were not meant to be wasted on such insignificant events. It was meant for unforgettable evenings and romantic encounters that one tucks away securely inside of the heart, using the warm memories to wrap themselves in on cold and lonely nights.

I had not experienced any of those glorious events and felt that the perfume was destined to lie untouched in that dark drawer for the rest of my days.

The perfume and I had a lot in common.

But there I was, taking it out and getting ready to use it. I was going to use this yellowish-brown floral scented liquid in a 3.3 oz glass bottle that was being reserved for special occasions.

And seeing Veronica? Well, that was definitely a special occasion.

I pulled the cap off and lightly spritzed the perfume over my blouse, on both of my wrists, and in the nape of my neck.

**-NEXT- **

I kept glancing at the clock every five minutes, quietly begging time to move faster.

Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock.

The clock was taunting me, slowly torturing me as I sat in the living room. My left leg was shaking nervously and I began to fidget with the black leather of my wristwatch. I felt the nerves dancing under my skin, and tiny little flutters filled my stomach.

"Oh, look who it is."

Matt came in and stood in front of me.

"What do you want, Matt?"

"It's my house, you idiot. I can walk into the living room ifI want."

"No, it's not that. It's just that I'm expecting company any minute now."

"Who? Your dorky friend Gordo? Or 'Miss Pregnancy Scare' Miranda?"

I shook my head and sighed. Matt had known about one of Miranda's three pregnancy scares. He found out when she came over to my house, clutching a home pregnancy test with ghost-white knuckles. She took the test in the bathroom and came into my room, sitting on my bed in tears while she waited the required fifteen minutes to find out the results. As I tried my best to console her, taking on the role of the dependable best friend as usual, Matt went to use the bathroom and saw the urine covered stick sitting on the sink. He stormed into my bedroom and screamed at me, called me a slut, a filthy whore, and told me that he refused to live in a house with my 'spawn'. After shouting at him that it was Miranda's, he stopped his tirade and began to chuckle evilly. He teased Miranda, turned her crisis into a joke, which only made her cry harder. As I yelled at him to shut up, Miranda didn't see what I did.

She didn't see me laughing behind her shoulder.

I didn't care about her or her situation, I just pretended to. Secretly, I agreed with Matt and thought that Miranda deserved his cruel treatment, but I never let anyone know that.

"So who is it? Which one of them is coming over, Lizzie?"

"Why do you care so much?"

"Because I just do."

"It's not Gordo or Miranda."

"Oh, why not? Is Miranda too busy fucking some guy to spend time with your loser ass?"

I felt the tears fighting to rush from my eyes. He knew that was an emotional Achilles Heel for me. He knew that what Miranda had done to me – ignoring our friendship to be with her boyfriend – had cut me deeply. And he just loved to rip open old wounds.

"Matt," I said, forcing back the tears threatening to spill, "Just leave. Please."

"Aw, did I hurt Lizzie? Did I hurt precious little Lizzie?"

"Matt, leave me alone."

He rolled his eyes and clapped his hands together.

"Well, I'll just be going now. Can't wait to see the person you've invited over. I kind of feel sorry for whoever it is because they probably don't know how pathetic you are."

And, with that, he left the room, and I felt so small and worthless that I hoped the floor would open up and suck me far down into the ground, so far down that I wouldn't exist anymore.

And then the doorbell rang.

_Veronica._

Instantly, I went from not wanting to feel anything at all to feeling like I was floating in the clouds. I jumped up and ran to the door. Before opening it, I sucked in as much oxygen as I could and let it out. Then, I turned the doorknob and pulled the door open.

And there she was, standing in the warm California evening air, the sun setting to the left and hitting the side of her body. Auburn strands fell down all around her face like water flowing down over rocks at the end of a river. Brown eyes were looking intently into mine. Her eyelids had a tiny bit of baby blue shadow on them, her cheeks dabbed with just a hint of red blush, and her luscious lips were lightly covered in a shiny gloss. She wore a satin loose fitting baby blue blouse and a pair of light blue jeans with her always present black leather boots. I also noted that around her waist was a clear belt with silver rimmed notches.

I felt my breath catch in my throat.

_My god, she looks… amazing. _

"Hey, Lizzie."

I managed a hello, which came out sounding more like a gasp.

She smirked shyly. She always smirked shyly.

_Why does that smirk always stay in my mind?_

I motioned for her to come in and she nodded, a tan backpack slung over her right shoulder.

"Did you find my house okay?"

"Yeah, after reading your handwriting, like, a thousand times."

"Oh my god, Veronica! I am so sorry. When I write fast, it's not really legible, and-"

"Lizzie!" she said, sticking her hand out, "I am just joking. I found the place fine, I am really good with directions. And I love your handwriting. It's very easy for me to read."

I grinned.

She grinned.

And we both stood there, grinning at each other.

**-NEXT-**

"So, Veronica, where are you originally from?

_Oh great, mom's already grilling her._

"I'm from Maryland, actually."

"Really? Maryland? Wow, that's on the other side of the country! What brought you here to California?"

We were sitting around the dinner table, bowls of my mother's delicious West Coast Chowder sitting in front of us. My mother was interested in knowing more about Veronica. My father was greedily delivering spoonfuls of chowder to his mouth. Matt was looking bored.

And me? Well, I was watching Veronica as she tried to answer my mother's questions. She answered them so quietly, usually with her eyes looking downward. I was dreading this. I was dreading my mother pestering her with a game of Twenty Questions because I was well aware of Veronica's shy nature, and she seemed intimidated by every single person who crossed her path.

Except for me. Veronica wasn't really intimidated by me. She seemed to trust me, to see me on equal ground. It felt good that she was able to speak to me without feeling intimidated by me.

"My mother wanted to move out here to California," Veronica explained.

"Oh? And why is that? Did she think she would see all of the movie stars? Because we don't have any here. Well, except for this skunk that has been running around in the neighborhood. We see him everywhere at night, wearing a pair of sunglasses and saying. 'I am ready for my close-up!"

_Could she possibly be lamer?_

Veronica forced a small laugh. I knew she was just trying to be polite about my mother's unfunny comment.

"No, that's not why. She just thought it would be nice."

The way Veronica said that sounded odd, like she was hiding something.

"Well, do you have any brothers or sisters?"

"I have an older sister named Natasha and an older brother named Clayton."

"Oh, and what do your parents do?"

I took a sip of my iced tea and rolled my eyes.

"My father works in construction and my mother is a secretary at small medical practice."

All of the sudden, the fact that I didn't know anything about Veronica's life before she transferred to my school hit me. Yet, I felt so close to her, like I had known her for years.

"I see. Well, what about-"

"Mom!"

My mother looked at me.

"Stop with the interrogation, please. Do you want to scare Veronica away?"

"Oh gosh, no, not at all. You'll have to forgive me, Veronica. Sometimes I go a little crazy with questions."

"It's okay, I understand."

Veronica looked at me wearing an expression of relief on her face. And when my mother dropped her napkin on the floor and bent down to pick it up, Veronica mouthed the words 'thank you' to me.

I quickly mouthed back, 'You're welcome.'


	4. The First Realization is Free, Baby

**CHAPTER 4: The First Realization is Free, Baby **

After dinner, Veronica and I had retired to the safety of my bedroom. She appeared more than happy to get away from my family, just as I was. I wasn't certain of what her reasons were, but I knew what mine were. It was partly about getting my mother to stop questioning her left and right, and partly about wanting more than anything to be alone with her.

_Why do I want to be alone with her?_

"Are you okay?" I asked softly, closing my door and locking it.

"Hm, yeah," she replied, "It just felt kind of uncomfortable."

"I know, I felt it too. I'm so sorry my mom kept asking you all of those questions."

"That's okay, it makes sense, really. I mean, I'm not like Miranda or Gordo. I'm someone… new… maybe uninteresting…"

She bowed her head and stared at her hands, which were resting in her lap.

"Whoa, Veronica, what is this?"

"It's nothing," she said without looking up.

"It sounds like something to me."

"It's just that I realize how close you and Miranda and Gordo are. I'm just some new girl who's breaking into the little circle you three have. I'm not even as fun or as interesting as they are, I bet."

I felt my heart drop.

_Uninteresting! She thinks she's uninteresting! If she only knew._

"Veronica," I said, reaching down into her lap and taking her left hand into my right one. "You couldn't be anymore wrong. You are so beyond interesting to me. I love our little daily conversations. I love being around you. I love just waking up and seeing you."

Veronica finally lifted her head to meet mine, her face full of surprise and hope.

"Do you mean that?"

"Yes! Gordo and Miranda don't even really know me. The three of us have grown apart and they do the most boring things. But you Veronica, my god… you know so much about books and movies and everything. I would rather spend all of my time with you than with them."

"I don't want you to have to choose between them and me."

"Well, you win."

"Huh?"

"I choose you."

"Lizzie-"

"I. Choose. You."

I spoke the words in a gentle tone, but made sure that there was a bit of force behind them so that Veronica would know how serious I was.

She stared at me for a moment and then gave me the biggest smile I had ever seen. She looked as though I had given her everything that she ever wanted and needed.

We both looked down at our clasped hands. Veronica began to move her thumb over my palm, and then she interlocked our fingers. My eyes stayed focused on the image of our hands wound together. It stirred something inside of me that made my skin prickle. I looked up at Veronica who was watching me with nothing but adoration in her eyes. She smirked at me and I smirked at her.

_WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING!_

I jerked my hand away and stood up. My knees were shaking and it felt like they would give out at any second.

_What was that? What am I doing? What is happening?_

I began walking to my television with my back turned to Veronica. I didn't have to look at her to see the hurt and disappointment on her face. I could feel her sad eyes, burning into my back.

"What movie do you want to watch?" I said, my words coming out unevenly.

"I-I don't care."

Her voice was low. I heard the pain in it. The pain caused by my rejection. She felt like I had pushed her away.

"How about 'Requiem for a Dream'? It's kind of dark and depressing, but I like it."

"That's, um, fine."

I put the DVD in, shut the lights off, and joined Veronica on my bed. She was leaning back, propped up on her elbows. Her shoulders were bunched up. I was unable to see her face. Her head was turned slightly to the right, her hair down in front of it like a shield.

_She looks wonderful, especially in the light of the television_

I laid down on my stomach, my head facing the television and my feet facing my pillows. And, as Veronica and I sat there the entire time without speaking one word, I paid no attention to the movie and stared at her in amazement.

**-NEXT-**

I saw a myriad of faces. They were the faces of people who I had known throughout my life. My grandfather, my grandmother, my father, my mother, uncles, aunts, my brother, Gordo, Miranda, Ethan Craft, Kate Sanders, Claire Miller, my ex-"boyfriend" Ronny, and even Larry Tudgeman. They were all standing outside, under the shade of a pine tree, staring at me. I was a few feet away, standing in a grassy area, the scorching sun beating down on me. The heat of it was burning my face, arms, and legs. I felt a presence at my side, taking my hand. I looked over to see who it was.

It was Veronica.

"Do you think they know about you?"

I stared at her in confusion.

"Do you think they know, Lizzie?"

"Know? Know what?"

"Your secret."

"I have a secret?"

Veronica shook her head.

"You don't even know yet. You don't know it right now, but you will figure it out."

She reached out and touched my face.

"You'll figure it out soon, Lizzie. You will."

I looked at Veronica and then over at the familiar faces watching me in the shade. And that was when a thought had entered my mind.

_Here Veronica and I are, separated from them. They are in the darkness of the shade, and she and I are in the light of the sun. Just the two of us, together, as the people in my life look at us disapprovingly._

**-NEXT-**

I felt my eyelids fluttering open. There was a glowing light in the distance.

"What the hell?" I mumbled.

That was when I realized it was just a dream. The faces, the shade, the sun, what Veronica said – all just a dream.

I forced my eyes open all the way and saw that the glowing light was the television. I sat up feeling very groggy and a little out of it.

I looked over to my right. Veronica was curled up in a ball, her eyes squeezed shut, her lips slightly parted. I watched the steady rise and fall of her chest and listened closely to her gentle breathing.

I grinned at the sight.

I guessed that the both of us must've fallen asleep during the movie, but when I noticed that the DVD player was turned off and the television was on and muted, I knew that Veronica must've turned the movie off and switched over to the television.

I had it all figured out in my mind. She saw me sleeping. She got up and turned the DVD off and probably muted the television so she wouldn't disturb my sleep. And then she curled up beside me and fell asleep.

_She's amazing._

I sat there, watching her sleeping form. She looked so peaceful and innocent. And then, without even thinking about it, I reached a hand out and ran it through a strand of her hair, tucking it behind her ear.

_Why did I do that? Because she's my friend, that's all. I was just being friendly._

Veronica began to stir. I quickly hopped off of the bed and walked to my closet.

"Lizzie?" I heard her say in a sleepy voice.

It made me smile. Hearing her sleepy voice made me smile.

_Why am I smiling like a fool?_

"Hey," I said, rummaging through my closet.

"What are you doing?"

"Looking for a pair of pajamas."

"Oh. Well, I guess we both fell asleep, huh?"

"I guess we did. Did you turn the movie off and put the TV on?"

"Yep. You dozed off in the middle of it so I just stayed up and watched the rest of it. When it was over, I shut it off and turned the television on but I muted it because I didn't want to wake you. Then I guess I fell asleep, too. Anyway, I loved that movie. I've never seen it before. I'm a huge fan of Ellen Burstyn, too."

"Mmm, really?" I said, still looking for something to wear.

"Oh yeah. She has a considerably large body of work and I have seen most of it. I loved her in 'The Last Picture Show' and 'Alice Doesn't Live Here Anymore'. And, wow, 'How to Make an American Quilt' totally blew my mind. Now, she was good in 'The Exorcist', but I felt that her talents weren't being fully displayed in that movie."

I paused and turned to her, a dumbfounded expression taking over my face.

"What?" she asked, confused.

"Nothing, it's just… everything that you know about that kind of stuff – books, movies, actors – it's really cool. I never knew anyone like that. Well, maybe Gordo, but he's not really as into it as you are."

She smiled.

Her vast knowledge of these things never ceased to astound me. It was one of the things that I loved about her. I could've listened to her talk about novels and classic films all night long. I would've fought sleep and stayed up until sunrise to hear her gush over Robert Frost's incredible poetry and Judy Garland's undeniably magical presence in whatever movie she was in.

"I should go put my pajamas on," she said, getting up from my bed and grabbing her backpack.

"Yeah, you do that," I replied, grabbing a long black t-shirt and a pair of blue and gray flannel pants.

**-NEXT-**

"Uh, Lizzie, what are you doing?"

Veronica was on my bed and I was standing in front of it, lying a blanket out.

"I'm making a bed for myself."

"On the floor?"

"Yeah."

"I thought you said that you and I would be sharing your bed?"

"I did, but I think that would be kind of rude of me. You're the guest and you should have the bed all to yourself."

I grabbed a pillow and threw it down on my makeshift bed.

"I don't think so," Veronica said, crawling to the end of my bed.

"What?"

"You are not sleeping on that floor. You are sleeping up here on the bed."

"Veronica, I can't."

"Why not?"

"Because it just wouldn't be right!"

Veronica leaned back and patted the empty space beside her on the bed.

"I think this spot is for you, Miss McGuire."

I stared at her. She had a huge smile on her face and her eyes looked as though they were begging me to acquiesce.

I felt my heart pounding in my chest. I could hear the pounding in my ears.

_Why does the idea of sleeping in the same bad as her make my heart pound like this?_

"Are you sure?"

"Of course I am! Besides, it's YOUR bed, remember?"

"Well, okay, if you don't mind."

"I really don't," she said in a slight whisper.

I grabbed my pillow from the floor and tossed the blanket to the side. Then I climbed into the bed next to Veronica, who was pulling my comforter up.

"Go on, snuggle under the comforter, Liz."

_Liz._

The way she said it sounded so sweet.

I smiled as Veronica brought one side of the comforter up over my body and wrapped it around me.

"Is that good?"

I nodded.

_She is tucking me in._

She covered her feet up with the other side of it and pushed the rest of it off the bed.

"Aren't you going to cover up?"

"Nope. I don't usually sleep with covers on."

"Oh, okay."

"Goodnight, Lizzie."

"Night, Veronica."

I was lying on my side, facing Veronica, who was stretched out on her back, her arms folded over her stomach. The moonlight was shining in through my bedroom window, cascading over her body. I studied her. Her satin white nightgown clung to her body, accentuating every one of her delicate curves. It hugged her breasts tightly, and I remember thinking how perfect they looked. The nightgown was sleeveless, thus leaving her bare shoulders and arms visible. Her skin was a milky color and I remember what it felt like to touch it, to touch her hand; smooth like silk. Her gorgeous hair spilled over the pillow that her head was resting on.

I had an intense desire to reach out and touch her.

_I have never known anyone who wore a white satin nightgown. I thought that only sexy, seductive types of women wore them in movies. Sexy and seductive, hm. Maybe that is what Veronica is. She looks so beautiful._

Suddenly, I was hit with shock. It felt as though someone had dropped a ton of bricks on me.

_What is wrong with me? What has been going on? What have I been thinking? The moment that I saw this girl, something happened to me. Something big. I have been looking at her and thinking about her in a way that is different from how I look or think about anyone else, including my friends. I always find myself staring at her and thinking that she is beautiful. When I talk to her, I get butterflies in my stomach. I always want to be with her. I want to keep her safe. I want to impress her. I want to know everything about her. And now, here I am, looking at every inch of her body, thinking about how perfect her breasts are and wanting to touch her! _

At that, my eyes grew large and I gasped quietly. I looked at Veronica to see if she heard me, but she didn't budge. Her eyes remained tightly shut, and her long lashes fell over her cheeks.

_She looks gorg-HEY WAIT!_

I quickly rolled over so that I was no longer facing Veronica. Thoughts raced through my mind and images of times with Veronica played in my head.

_Could it be? Could I have a crush on a girl?_

I felt my stomach twist into a knot.

_I can't have a crush on a girl, I can't. I'm straight! I'M STRAIGHT! Oh my god, this can't be real. How did I let this happen? Why is this happening? What am I feeling? No, I'm wrong, it's not a crush. She's just my friend._

I sighed deeply.

_No, she isn't just my friend. I never felt this way about a friend before. This is something new that I have never felt before. But it isn't possible. How could I like a girl? I've never liked a girl before. Then again, I've never really liked a guy either, but I'm straight. I'm straight, goddamnit. I'm Lizzie McGuire. I get straight As and I make my parents proud and I'm a good girl and I am supposed to marry a man and have children and live a happy life. This isn't me. This isn't who I am._

A pause.

_Or is it? Aren't these feelings part of who I am? But why do these feelings seem wrong? They are wrong. A girl being in love with another girl is wrong. People point and laugh. Your family and friends will hate you. Everyone will hate you._

I felt a tear roll down my cheek.

_I can't like a girl. But it's okay because I probably don't even like Veronica. I'm sure this is nothing. I bet I'm just making a big deal out of nothing. We're just two really good friends, that's all._

The fact that we all lie to ourselves is unbelievable. How we betray who we are and what we feel inside. How we deny ourselves the things that make us happy, the things that we want, the things that we were always meant to have. And, if you had asked me at that time if I would ever be untrue to myself because I was worried of what the world would think, I would've said that that was something I'd never do.

But that's exactly what I was doing; Lying to myself.

**-NEXT-**

I awoke early the next morning. Veronica was still asleep when I got out of bed, dressed, and fixed myself some coffee in the kitchen. Everyone else was sleeping as well. I listened to the deafening silence of the house and thought of how the rest of the world was sleeping, but there I was, awake.

I padded into the living room and curled up on the couch. With my hand around the handle of the hot mug of coffee, I stared at the pale dawn sky through the window.

I had to get out of bed. I had to get away from Veronica. I had to get away from my feelings.

_Why do I feel this way? And if I have convinced myself that it is nothing, why am I so hell bent on getting away from the girl who brings on these feelings?_

I took a sip of the brew and swallowed it, feeling the warmth of it going through my entire body.

**-NEXT-**

"Lizzie," I heard a voice mumble.

I was standing in my bedroom in front of my dresser, looking through a drawer for a pair of socks.

"Uh, yeah Veronica, I'm right here," I said, keeping my back turned.

"What are you doing?"

"Looking for a pair of socks."

"Oh. What time is it?"

"Nine."

"Wow. I see that you're up and dressed. How long have you been awake?"

"I don't know," I lied, "A while, I guess."

"Oh. Well, what are we going to do today?"

"Yeah, about that," I said, taking a deep breath and turning to face her. "You have to leave."

She looked confused.

"Huh?"

"You have to leave. My family and I have to go somewhere today, it's this thing – an emergency."

"Oh my god, an emergency? What is it? Is someone hurt?"

"No, no. Well, maybe, I don't know. Look, it just suddenly came up and now you have to go. I'm sorry."

She looked hurt.

"Well, when do I have to leave?"

"As soon as possible."

Her bottom lip began to quiver. She looked like she was on the verge of tears.

"Okay, I'll get dressed and then go."

Slowly, she got out of bed and picked up her backpack.

"I'm sorry," I said to her as she opened the door.

"It's fine," she said, "I'll just go to the bathroom, get dressed, and then go."

She walked out and I collapsed on the bed.

_How could I do that? _

It was all a lie. No emergency had come up. I just couldn't imagine spending the day with Veronica. I couldn't imagine having to deal with these feelings head-on. I couldn't be around her. I needed to be alone. I needed to figure things out. And it felt like shit. It felt like shit to lie to Veronica, to push her away, to make her leave. But I felt like I had to do it.

**-NEXT-**

"So…" Veronica trailed off.

"So…" I echoed her words.

We were standing at the front door, saying goodbye.

And it was very awkward.

"Like I said, I'm really sorry about this, but things happen."

"I understand, Lizzie. Really, I do."

I could tell that she knew there was some untruth to this family emergency claim of mine, but she didn't argue or ask questions.

"Well, I'm still sorry. I'll talk to you on Monday?"

She let out a simple, "Mmhm" and looked around, a huge frown on her face. Her eyes were full of sadness.

"I'll see you," I said.

She nodded, turned, and opened the door. Before shutting it behind her, she gave me one last glance and then was on her way.

And I felt my heart shattering.

It hurt to lie to her. It hurt to make her leave. It hurt to hurt her. It hurt to have her gone.

And in that moment, I wanted nothing more than to tear open the door, chase after her, drop to my knees, and beg her to come back inside.

I leaned against the door frame and shut my eyes.

"Lizzie, what's wrong?"

I opened them to see my mother standing there looking concerned.

"Nothing, mom."

"Well, where is Veronica?"

'She had to go home. Something came up."

"Oh well that's too bad. I was going to make you girls breakfast."

"Maybe some other time, mom."

"I hope so. She's a really nice girl, Lizzie."

My mother walked away.

'_Nice' doesn't even cover it, mom. She is so much more._


	5. Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered

**CHAPTER 5: Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered**

_Maybe it's just an appreciation? An appreciation for another human being?_

It was six o'clock on Sunday evening and there I was, lazily draped across my bed still wearing my pajamas from the previous night and my powder blue terrycloth bathrobe. My hair was up in a messy ponytail and I had those obnoxious little bits of crust in the corners of my eyes that one gets during nocturnal slumber. You see, along with not even bothering to change into new clothing when I had woken up that morning, I also didn't bother to wash my face to get the aforementioned bits of crusts out of the corners of my eyes. Needless to say, I looked like a mess. There was a reason for it, though.

I spent the entire weekend willingly confined to my bedroom. I needed to lock myself up so that I could sort through my feelings.

After Veronica left early Saturday morning, I went right to my room and planned on holding myself hostage in there until I figured out my complicated emotions. I only left to go to the bathroom and to get food, much to the concern of my parents.

I had gotten nowhere with the entire 'figuring-out-my-emotions' thing.

_But I miss her. God, do I miss her so much. I miss her face, her voice, her cute smirk… her curves, her breasts._

I smiled.

"Lizzie!" my mother's voice beckoned from behind my closed door.

"Yeah?" I answered, slightly irritated. She interrupted my thoughts.

"Dinner is ready. How about actually eating with your family tonight instead of sneaking down and grabbing your plate to bring upstairs?"

"I don't feel like it, mom. I'll just come down for my plate later on."

I heard my mother sigh deeply through the white painted wood that separated us.

"Lizzie, do you mind opening up the door for me?"

"I don't want to," I snapped.

Her voice grew angry.

"Elizabeth Brooke McGuire, you open this door right now."

I shook my head and rolled off of my bed like it required some kind of effort that I just didn't possess. I walked to the door, slouched over and moving like an arthritic geriatric woman. Once I reached it, I pulled it open to see my mother standing there, arms folded across mid-torso with a stern face.

"My god," she said, looking me up and down. "You're still in your pajamas?"

I shrugged.

"And that ratty robe! And that hair, goodness…"

"Mom, please."

She paused for a moment and continued.

"Lizzie, sweetheart, I know that something is going on. You have been holed up in this bedroom ever since Veronica left on Saturday morning. You've just been lounging around in your pajamas and that damn bathrobe. Do you mind telling me what the deal is?"

I looked down at my bare feet. Chocolate cherry nail polish covered each of my toenails, except for the one on the second-to-the-biggest toe on my right foot. The polish was chipped on that one.

I made a mental note to repaint it.

"Lizzie!"

I looked up at my mother.

"What?"

She rolled her eyes in frustration.

"I asked you what's wrong, Lizzie."

"Nothing," I said.

"I'm not stupid."

"Mom, could you please just let me handle shit in my own life?"

She frowned.

"You don't want my help?"

"No, it's not that."

"What, are you too old to get advice from your mother?"

She was being irrational.

"Mom, that is not what I am thinking at all. This is just something I have to take care of by myself."

"Okay," she said with a nod, "I get it. Can I ask you something though?"

I felt my body tense.

_Oh no. She wants to ask me something. She knows. She knows about Veronica and me! Wait a minute, what do I mean 'Veronica and I'? There is nothing to know about Veronica and me. _

I looked at her curiously.

"Sure, mom."

"Well, you started behaving this way when Veronica left. Does it have anything to do with her?"

"What!" I asked, feigning disbelief. "No, it has nothing to do with her."

My mother knew that I was lying. She could hear it in my voice, read it on my nervous face. But she didn't pursue the matter any further.

"Alright," she said, raising her eyebrows.

She walked away as I closed my door. With a deep sigh, I tipped my head back and closed my eyes.

_Why can't this be any easier?_

**-NEXT-**

"Son of a bitch!" I muttered, jumping out of bed.

I looked at the alarm clock sitting on the nightstand. The large red numbers read seven twenty. I had to be at school by seven forty. It wasn't usual for me to sleep in, but I assumed that it was my body's way of responding to all the stress I experienced that weekend.

Scrambling around my room, I grabbed a pair of jeans and a gray baby tee that had the word 'GAP' written on the front of it in big bold letters. After throwing the clothes on frantically, I ran to the bathroom.

**-NEXT-**

"Morning, can't eat breakfast, no time," I sputtered breathlessly after running into the kitchen.

"Someone overslept," my father said in a teasing voice.

He and my mother, along with Matt, were sitting around the table enjoying hot waffles doused in syrup. As I looked at the food, I felt my stomach growl, but I had no time to eat.

"Mom, do you think you could give me a ride?"

"Sure dear," she said through a mouth-full of food.

I collected my white fleece zip-up hoodie and my purse, and then I ran to the car.

**-NEXT-**

With my head pressed against the window, I watched the scenery pass. Trees of green, colorful flowers and people of all shapes and sizes peppered either side of the road. It was slightly foggy out and the sun was peeking over the horizon. I loved that time of year; January's end. The morning air was always fresh and cool, lightly kissing my face each time I stepped out into it. It was good for my soul, taking away all of my cares, making me elusive, bringing me to life.

"You know Lizzie, you really need to get your license."

My mother's voice snapped me back into reality. Such a pity, too. I loved escaping the suffocation of reality.

"I will," I said.

"I don't know why you won't just go get it."

"I don't want to right now, mom."

I didn't have my license. Why? Well, I really didn't know why. I simply had no desire to go and get it. Sure, I had my learner's permit, but I didn't particularly care for driving. I very much enjoyed walking. I walked to school, I walked home from school, and I walked everywhere else. In my mind, there weren't too many things better than taking an evening stroll under a sky painted with light blues fading into dark ones.

The average seventeen year old has their license and spends their Friday nights cruising around, going to wild parties, and getting drunk.

But I wasn't like the average seventeen year old.

Plenty of my peers only seemed to care about driving their flashy cars, one of them being Miranda. She would constantly brag about the extravagant candy apple red Chevrolet Malibu that her parents bought for her brand new when she turned sixteen.

_The spoiled bitch._

And of course Gordo, being the trademark non-conformist that he was, refused to get his license. Instead, he relied on public transportation. A few times, I had seen the local bus pass downtown with Gordo sitting in the very back, wearing a mellow look and a pair of headphones on his head.

The car came to a stop and I heard the locks on the doors click.

"Well, here we are. Have a good day, sweetie."

All the sudden, I felt my nerves tingle.

_Veronica._

I had to face Veronica that day. I didn't want to. I couldn't. What would I say to her?

I tightly gripped the door handle as I felt the nausea making it's way up the length of my body.

"Lizzie, what's wrong?"

"N-nothing, mom," I stuttered.

"Are you sure? You don't look so good."

Taking a deep breath, I opened the door.

"Really," I said reassuringly, "I'm fine."

And then I got out of the car.

**-NEXT-**

As I walked to my locker, I felt the paranoia taking over me. My eyes would bolt in every which direction, searching for Veronica. I wasn't quite sure of what I was going to do when I saw her, but I wanted to be prepared.

_Maybe I'll run to her, or maybe I'll run away from her._

Opening up my locker, I went through it to find the books that I needed. As I did that, I felt a tap on my shoulder that made me jump and drop my tablet.

_Oh no, oh no, oh no! Is it Veronica?_

I turned to see who it was.

Miranda and Gordo.

_Oh thank god._

"Hey," I said nervously.

Gordo bent down to pick up the tablet for me.

"Thanks," I said as he handed it back.

"Why were you so freaked when I tapped your shoulder?" Miranda asked.

"Me? Freaked? No way, I wasn't."

But I was. I was a bundle of colliding nerves.

Miranda's eyes grazed over me and then she asked, "Where's your friend?"

I decided to play dumb.

"My friend? What friend?"

Miranda rolled her eyes.

"Come on, Lizzie. You know I'm talking about Veronica."

"Oh right," I said with a nod. "Uh, I don't know where she is."

"Hm, well, that's a surprise."

The tone of her voice and the expression on her face sounded and looked like something seething with, dare I say… jealousy?

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you two have been attached at the hip lately."

"No we haven't!"

"Oh yes you have. And if I didn't know you Lizzie, I'd think that you two were dykes."

_Oh my god. We look like dykes together? Do people think that way about us? Do they think that way about me?_

Miranda began to laugh.

I began to get royally pissed off.

Gordo just stood there looking blank.

"Shut the hell up, Miranda. Nobody asked you, did they?"

She looked stunned.

"What? I wasn't trying to be mean!"

"Yeah, because that didn't sound mean, right?"

She shrugged.

"Well, it's just the truth. That's what it looked like to me, that's all."

Everything that had been building up inside of me for so long was becoming entirely too much for me to carry. All of the things that Miranda had done to me in the past - tossing me to the side, treating me like I was inferior to her, expecting me to always be there for her even after she chose to push me out of her life – they had all left a mark on me and feelings of anger and hatred boiled beneath the surface. I never had the chance to let it all out, to scream at her, to make her feel as insignificant as she made me feel.

And then I finally cracked.

"Oh, so you want truth, huh? Well, do you want to know what you look like to me? You look like nothing but a phony bitch that was only good enough to screw and then leave. Why don't we ask Jack about it, Miranda? You were only good for him because he needed a few fucks and of course you opened your legs to him because he was the first person to give you attention. You were nothing but a desperate, horny wench and I wish you would've gotten pregnant. Too bad they were all false alarms. I was really hoping that one test would come out positive so that your life would be ruined and you'd get fat."

Anger and sadness took over Miranda's face and tears brimmed from her eyes.

I crossed my arms over my chest and smiled with satisfaction.

_Now you know what it feels like, bitch._

She leaned in close to me and said, "Say what you want to me, at least I've had someone before. You're a goddamn loser and no one wants you."

"Right," I said nodding, "And the one person who wanted you was a slacker pot-head who was only interested in finding a hole to stick it in, and he chose you because he knew you were easy."

Suddenly, I saw Miranda's hand rise, but Gordo quickly grabbed it.

"Don't," he said to her cautiously.

"Let her," I said, "Let her hit me."

"No, Lizzie, stop it. Miranda, just turn and walk away."

Miranda stood there for a moment, staring me down. Her sharp glare pierced me. I stared back expectantly, waiting for her to make some kind of move. She sighed deeply and turned to walk away.

Gordo moved closer to me, shaking his head.

"You're lucky I was here to keep her away from you."

"Keep her away from me?" I asked in disbelief. "I wanted her to hit me, Gordo. I told you to let her."

"Come on Lizzie, you know I couldn't."

"Why the hell not?"

"Because you two are my friends and you don't need to be beating each other into the floor boards. Besides, do you really want to be suspended for fighting?"

I clenched my fists and bit my bottom lip. After a moment, I felt something warm seeping into my mouth. It tasted like copper. I reached up to touch my lip and pulled my finger tip away to see a coat of blood covering it.

_Looks like I bit my lip a little too hard._

I slammed my locker door shut and stormed away.

"You're welcome, Lizzie!" Gordo hollered after me.

I waved my hand at him.

**-NEXT-**

Everything appeared to be fine. I had settled into my normal daily routine of school without crossing paths with Veronica. Each time I turned a corner, I anticipated running into her, but that hadn't happened yet.

Until I was walking to fourth period.

I was making my day down the crowded hall, feeling the warmth of a bunch of cluttered teenage bodies hitting me. I was shuffling through my notebook, searching for Anatomy notes. When I looked up, I saw her walking on the opposite side of the hallway. She was looking at me with hopeful eyes. I smiled at her and she smiled right back. Then she crossed through the throng of people to walk beside me.

"Hey, Lizzie," she said happily.

"Uh, hey," I said, trying to sound uninterested.

"How are you today?"

"Fine."

I didn't look at her. I kept my eyes glued straight forward and my face without expression, but I could feel her gaze on me.

"That's good to hear. I had fun Friday night, even though I had to leave."

I began to pick up the pace, forcing my legs to move faster.

"I have to go Veronica, I'm going to be late for class."

And with that, I left her standing behind in dejection.

**-NEXT-**

I decided to skip lunch and sit in the library to avoid Veronica.

_This is fine, this is good. It's much better this way. _

I pulled out my notebook and began to scrawl my name in different designs on random pages. I did block letters, bubble letters, fancy cursive, big print, small print. I would dot stars and hearts around 'Lizzie' and roll my eyes at how incredibly girly and childish it looked.

I closed the notebook and rested my chin in my raised palm. My head was aching from thinking so much. It felt as though there were small tin soldiers marching in unison to a cadence call all over my brain. The constant thinking that I had been doing was really beginning to wear me out. I wanted to halt the loud screeching train of thought trailing through my mind

_Oh Veronica, what am I supposed to think? I keep telling myself that there is nothing between us, but I don't think know it's not true. I can feel something deep inside of me. It's too much for me to handle. Is it right? Is it wrong? _

Oh god, being near her felt so right.

I was convinced that I would never find the answer. There was a huge mountain of confusion right in front of me and I was doomed to spend the rest of my life trying to climb it, never reaching the top.

**-NEXT-**

It was the class that I had feared all day: 9th period English.

I hurried into the room, knowing that Veronica always arrived later than I. That day, I decided to sit in the vacant seat beside Corey Anders in the back of the room. I couldn't sit beside Veronica. I just couldn't face her.

A mere second before the bell sounded, Veronica made her way into the room. She looked puzzled when she saw that the seat I usually occupied was empty.

_Oh my god, there she is. She looks so great in that dark green long sleeved cashmere turtle neck._

I wanted to run to her.

She sat down at her desk, not even noticing me huddled in the recesses of the dark corner of the classroom. She pulled out our assigned 'Great Expectations' novel and I watched her every move, paying close attention to the way her slender fingers brushed over the cover of the book.

_I feel like I am out of breath._

She reached down and grabbed the small bunch of hair that was in her face. Flipping it behind her, she turned and began to look around the room. I wanted to crouch down, to hide under the desk so that she wouldn't see me.

But she did.

Her eyes caught site of me. I looked at her and saw the disappointment rush to her face instantaneously. She was hurt that I hadn't sat by her.

I offered a sympathetic smile but what the hell was that going to do? Was it going to miraculously alleviate the pain caused by my blatant rejection?

She frowned and quickly turned back around.

I felt so disgusting, like I had committed some unthinkable crime and belonged behind steel bars.

But I was already behind steel bars and I was my own jailer. I was becoming a prisoner of my fears. Why was I so afraid of what I felt? Who cared about what other people thought?

_I care. I care too much._

Something inside of me was shattering. I could feel it. It was my heart. It was as though my heart had transformed into glass and was shattering right inside of my chest, the broken shards showering my innards and sending small stabs of pain throughout my body.

And I was the one who caused it.

**-NEXT-**

When I got home from school, I went right to my bedroom, and I didn't have any intentions of leaving it for the rest of the day. I didn't want to be around anyone. I just wanted to be alone. I felt so very ugly for putting Veronica through such torment. She definitely didn't deserve it. She was the most innocent person in the world.

But I was too wrapped up in my own selfishness and silly trepidation to see how big of a fool I was.

I decided to sleep the evening away. Sleep was good. When you sleep, you forget. You don't think. You merely exist without even being aware of it. But no matter how many times I beckoned sleep, it refused to come. So I downed four Nyquil tablets and suddenly sleep was at my doorstep, anxiously awaiting me to allow it to come in.

I gladly welcomed it.

**-NEXT-**

I awoke drenched in sweat. It was one of those feverish naps where you wake up feeling a little too warm with perspiration-soaked clothing.

My room was dark, so I knew that it was late and I had slept for quite a long time. I looked at the clock to see that it was ten thirty at night.

Yawning, I felt hunger resting in the pit of my stomach. I stretched my arms and decided to go to the kitchen for a bite to eat.

**-NEXT-**

I walked into the living room to see my father sprawled across the couch, a beer in one hand and the remote control in the other. He was watching a football game on the television and I saw how his eyes danced and a huge grin took over his face when his favorite team scored a touchdown.

_Who gives a shit about football? It's so stupid._

Shaking my head, I sauntered to the kitchen to find my mother scrubbing a pan in the sink. Her yellow gloved hands were gripping a pan dipped into the sink full of soapy water and bubbles. She was violently scrubbing the grit and grime off the pan, her lower lip sunken behind her teeth.

Just as I opened up the refrigerator door, my mother spoke.

"I didn't even hear you come in."

"That's because you were busy attacking that pan," I said, looking through the fridge for a scrap of food.

"You missed dinner."

"I know, I'm sorry, I took a long nap."

I grabbed a plastic bag full of deli turkey slices, a piece of American cheese, and a jar of mayonnaise. Closing the door, I grabbed a bag of white bread and a plate and began fixing myself a sandwich at the counter adjacent to where my mother was standing.

Mom stopped scrubbing and looked at me with concern.

"A long nap? Are you feeling alright, Lizzie?"

"Yes, I'm fine," I said, spreading mayonnaise on a piece of bread.

"Well. you slept all evening. Maybe you're coming down with something."

I sighed and threw two slices of turkey onto the other pieced of bread.

"Mom, I said I'm fine. I really am, okay? I just had an exhausting day and I needed to sleep."

She nodded and went back to destroying the food encrusted into the pan.

**-NEXT-**

The following morning, I woke up with that horrible feeling of impending doom clutching at my gut. I didn't want to go to school. I couldn't. The previous day was hard enough. Seeing Veronica fall apart at the seams because of me was too much to handle. I needed to find a way out of it, and that was when an idea hit me.

I climbed out of bed and headed to my parents bedroom. The carpet felt soft under my feet and the house was peacefully quiet.

I knocked on their door and I heard my mother's groggy voice mumble something that sounded like 'come in'.

I opened it and there my mother was, sitting up in bed, still under the blankets. Her hair was piled on top of her head, strands sticking out in odd directions. I remember noticing how weird she looked without her glasses.

"What is it, sweetie?"

"Mom, do you remember how you asked me if I was feeling okay last night?"

"Yeah."

"Well, I'm not. I feel sick. Is it okay if I stay home today?"

She stared at me for a moment and then said yes.

I gently shut the door and, as I walked back to my bedroom, I thought of how I had been behaving recently. At first, I was happy and enjoying myself with Veronica. Something was happening to me and I couldn't stay away from her. It was as though she had cast a spell on me that made me follow her lead and worship her every move. Fascination and temptation had taken over. And then when the gravity of our situation hit me, when I realized what was happening, I went into a panic and ran away from the issue instead of dealing with it. It left me confused, it left me hurting, it left me wanting to break down and sob.

And that was when a familiar song entered my mind and I whispered the lyrics to myself… "I'm wild again, beguiled again, a simpering, whimpering child again. Bewitched, bothered, and bewildered am I."


	6. What Sharp Teeth You Have

**CHAPTER 6: What Sharp Teeth You Have**

So I feigned illness and was able to stay home that Tuesday morning. I figured that taking a day off would be fine, that it would help clear everything stored in my head.

_Just today. I will stay home from school today and figure this shit out and then go back tomorrow and deal with it._

Oh, but one day wasn't enough.

After spending Tuesday lying in my bedroom and hoping that some sort of solution to my troubles would magically appear, I simply could not muster up enough courage to go back to school.

So the next morning, I managed to produce some Academy Award Winning waterworks in front of my mother.

"What's wrong, Lizzie?" she asked as the tears flowed freely from my eyes.

"It hurts so bad! My body still aches, mom. I don't think I can go to school today."

"Oh no," she gasped, running to me from across the kitchen. She placed her warm hand across my forehead and held it there for a moment or two.

"Well, it doesn't feel like you have a fever."

"I-I don't feel feverish," I stuttered, trying to think of a sickness to diagnose myself with.

_Selfish Bitch Syndrome, that's what I have. I wonder what the anecdote is?_

"I bet it's the flu, mom," I suggested.

She pursed her lips and nodded.

"You know, I think that's what it is, too. Alright, why don't you go back up to bed and sleep for a while? I'll bring you some soup later on. How about chicken and stars? I know how much you love it!"

My stomach churned. I loved chicken and stars when I was five years old, but now, at seventeen, I realized just how disgusting it truly was. The broth was as thick as paste and wasn't too kind to my digestive system. But I offered her a small smile and said okay. After all, she was an incredible mother and who was I to turn my back on someone who only wanted to care for me?

_I did it to Veronica._

"Oh, by the way, Veronica called you last night. You were asleep, but I told you you'd call her back."

I felt myself get a bit excited at the sound of Veronica's name.

"Okay, I'll call her back later."

I didn't plan on calling her back, though.

**-NEXT-**

I hated my thoughts. All they did was contradict one another and leave me with an excruciatingly painful headache. Why was it so difficult to understand what I felt? I had a multitude of feelings running through me, ones that were foreign and confusing. Did I really have romantic feelings for Veronica? Was I attracted to her? Was it just a phase? Was it right? Was it wrong?

This was torture.

I wished so badly that I could speak to someone about what was going on with me, but who could I confide in? My parents were out of the question because they would go absolutely insane if I said to them, "Dad, mom, I think I like a girl." And my friends? Oh wait, what friends? The only friend I had left was Gordo and though I knew that he was a pretty open-minded guy, I wouldn't have felt right revealing such a thing to him.

So it was just me, all alone. I was walking through a new land in darkness with no compass and only my shadow to keep me company.

And what a scary place I was in.

**-NEXT-**

"Lizzie, dinner is ready."

"I'm not hungry, dad," I yelled from the hallway.

"Honey, you have to eat. All you had today was some chicken and stars!"

I thought of the bowl of soup that I had dumped in the garbage can after my mother brought it to my bedroom earlier that day.

I snickered.

"Well, do you want us to save a plate for you? It's lasagna."

_Eww, cold lasagna._

"Sure, dad. That's fine."

"Okay, kiddo. And before I forget, Veronica called you twice. She asked if you could call her back."

I sighed.

_Why does she have to call me? Why does she have to make me deal with this?_

"Okay dad, thanks."

"No problem. Now rest up."

And rest up I did. As night fell outside my bedroom window, I curled up into a ball and felt something powerful rising up inside of me. Was it courage? Was it some kind of newfound confidence? Was it certainty?

No, it was sobs. Horrible, paralyzing sobs that wracked my entire body.

I buried my head in my pillow to muffle my cries. This had to end. It felt like two people were playing tug-of-war and I was the rope; Being pulled back and forth, from one side to the other. I was convinced that this torment would last forever and into eternity. Why couldn't I just know? What exactly did my feelings for Veronica mean? Why did I even have to have them? They only complicated things, and I didn't know what to make of them. I was well aware of how society perceived homosexuality. Gay bashings, laws prohibiting gay marriage and gay adoption, people staring at same-sex couples with grimaces and quiet whispers – the world was not a tolerant place.

And then there was me. I always thought that I would find myself a nice man to who would sweep me off my feet. He would ask for my hand in marriage and I would become the blushing bride, teary-eyed and donning a fancy white gown. We would settle down and have babies and all would be well in the world.

But, the more I thought of it, going down that particular road no longer appealed to me.

So what would my future hold then? Where would I go in life?

Who would I love?

Only time would give me the answers to those questions, but one thing I was sure of at that point was that I wanted Veronica in my life. Not being in her presence was killing me.

_I just want her._

I found it funny that, up until the previous week, my life had been all about routine. It was simple and boring, but simple nonetheless. I would stumble into each brand new day constantly set on auto-pilot – just going through the motions. It was such a mechanical existence. I never looked forward to anything and struggled to make it through each hour. But then I met Veronica and suddenly, life was good. I wasn't wasting my time just doing things because that is what I had programmed myself to do. I was actually living and loving and having fun.

But she also threw my life into a tail-spin and left me asking myself question after question.

My sobbing had diminished into pathetic sniffles as I rolled onto my back and stared at the ceiling. Shutting my eyes, I imagined that I was an orange being squeezed by a strong hand; the juice pouring out was all my troubles and worries leaving my being.

**-NEXT-**

I heard the birds chirping and opened up my eyes to see a band of sunlight filtering through my window and hitting the wall beside my closet.

_It feels kind of late._

I noticed that it was ten o'clock and found myself rather confused. Surely my mother would've woken me up for school if she didn't see that I was up and ready.

Stepping out of bed, I made my way downstairs. The house was awfully quiet and lacked the usual ruckus of my mother washing breakfast dishes.

I walked into the kitchen to see a note lying on the table.

'Lizzie,

I know that you haven't been feeling well so I just decided to let you sleep and miss another day of school. I went out shopping with Kim and I should be back at around two or three. Call my cell phone or dad's work if you need anything. Get some rest.

Love,

Mom'

_Yes! Another day off from school!_

I smiled with relief.

**-NEXT-**

I listened closely to the sound my sneakers made when they hit the pavement. It was an odd sound, one that I never could quite describe.

I had decided to take a walk. It was a nice day, a bit cold, but still nice. I watched as the trees danced to a song carried by the wind, and I wanted to join them in their rhythm.

I didn't have any destination. I was just wandering down the road and giving the day license to take me wherever it wanted to. I didn't want to have any plans or any thoughts – I just wanted my mind to be clear, like a piece of fine crystal.

Spotting a square patch of grass by the sidewalk, I sat down and hugged my knees to my chest. I was in a local neighborhood where the houses and families occupying them were picturesque. There, husbands were faithful, wives baked cookies for the PTA, and you didn't have to lock your doors and windows at night.

It was a little too perfect in my eyes. Nothing in life was perfect. Maybe my burst of cynicism was because of my serious lack of luck in the past, maybe I was a little too jaded for a seventeen year old, or maybe I was trying to cover up the fact that some part of me actually believed life could be perfect.

I had no fucking clue.

**-NEXT-**

Reclined on the sofa, I was flipping through channels trying to find something to murder by horrible bout of boredom. It was one thirty and my mother would be home very soon.

What was on? Cheesy daytime soap operas, overly dramatic talk shows, and CNN.

I went the 'Overly Dramatic Talk Shows' route, ultimately settling on Montel Williams.

The show that day was about teenage sluts who wanted to get pregnant. A short, beastly girl with frizzy brown hair walked onstage wearing a red halter-top and a black leather mini skirt. Her massive stomach hanged out of her shirt and the fat of her underarms flapped like bat wings as she threw her hands in the air and declared to the booing audience, 'YOU DON'T KNOW ME!"

Her mother sat there crying, "Oh Montel, I don't know what happened to my baby girl! Rachel is only fourteen years old and she has already slept with twenty different men and now she wants to get pregnant!"

I rolled my eyes. How ridiculous were those people? Exposing their humiliation on national television? Did they have no shame?

I clicked the television off and went into the kitchen to make myself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

**-NEXT-**

"Lizzie, I'm home!"

I ran downstairs when I heard the front door close to see my mother standing there juggling three shopping bags in one hand and two more in the other.

"Here, let me help you."

I ran to the bottom of the stairs and took three of them from her.

"Thank you dear," she said sighing, "But you're sick! You don't need to be doing this stuff."

I shook my head. "Mom! It's okay, really."

She smiled and I followed her into the living room.

"Look at what I got!" she said, grabbing handfuls of clothing from one of the bags.

For the next half hour, she showed me every outfit she had purchased. After holding each piece of clothing up to her body and modeling it for me, she would chirp, "See what bargain shopping can buy you!"

Just when I thought she was finished putting on her Bargain Barn fashion show, her eyes became wide and she pointed her finger at me.

"Oh, I forgot! There is one more thing."

As she leaned down to pull something out of a bag, I rolled my eyes.

_Great, this will never end._

She took out a plaid skirt and looked at me.

"I bought this for you."

She handed it to me and, as I held it in my hands, I examined it. It was nice, definitely my style.

"Wow, thanks. I love it."

She was very pleased with my comment and gave me a grin.

"So, how are you feeling?"

"Fine," I replied, "I feel much better."

"Well, that's good. I was really worried about you! But at least you got three days off of school and then an extra day on top of that."

I looked at her, confused.

"An extra day? What are you talking about?"

"Tomorrow, silly. Don't you remember? It's one of those teacher in-service days. There's no school."

_Oh yeah, I forgot._

I felt even more relief inside. Not going to school meant not having some kind of confrontation with Veronica, and not having some kind of confrontation with Veronica meant not having to deal with certain issues.

I was beginning to worry about how the lines between dealing with my problems and running away from them were becoming blurry.

**-NEXT-**

I was sitting Indian-style on my bedroom floor, flipping through pages of the latest issue of Entertainment Weekly when I heard a knock on my door.

My mood was slightly elevated thanks to my long hiatus from school, so I decided to get up and answer the door instead of asking the person knocking to identify themselves.

When I opened it, I felt every nuance drain from my body.

It was Veronica, and she looked miserable.

Her gorgeous auburn hair was carelessly pulled back. There wasn't a spot of makeup on her face and she was dressed in a baggy black hooded sweatshirt with a pair of blue jeans that had stains here and there and were frayed at the bottom. I noticed that her naturally fair skin looked even paler and there were dark bags under her eyes.

"May I please come in?" she asked in a shaky tone of voice.

"Uh, sure," I responded, moving to the side to allow her entrance.

She walked into my bedroom, her head bowed and her shoulders tensed up. I closed the door behind me and she turned to face me.

"What is going on, Lizzie?" she came right out and asked.

I decided to play stupid.

"What are you talking about?"

"You won't even talk to me. You haven't returned any of my calls. You've been absent from school for days and I've been really worried!"

Her voice was quivering and dripping with pain. I could see the tears forming in her chestnut eyes. She looked so hurt and broken.

"I'm sorry about that, but I've been sick. I really wasn't up for talking on the phone."

"Do you hate me?"

"What! No, of course not!"

"You must because the one day you were at school you totally avoided me!"

I felt so ashamed of myself.

"I'm sorry, Veronica. I really am."

She put her head in her hands and began to cry softly. I wanted to go to her, to wrestle with her sadness and come out the champion.

However, I couldn't. I tried to move, but my feet felt glued to the floor and even that felt as though it was disappearing from beneath me.

After a moment, her cries subsided and she raised her head and met my eyes.

"What did I do wrong, Lizzie? Please tell me what I did." I could hear the pleading in her voice.

"You didn't do anything wrong, I swear."

"Well then what is it? Please tell me!"

Her sincerity melted me, turning my body into a giant puddle.

"It's nothing, Veronica."

"YES IT IS GODDAMNIT!"

I was taken aback. I had never heard Veronica raise her voice like that. She was usually very soft-spoken and passive.

I was impressed.

"Do you really want to know?" I asked, walking to my bed and sitting down.

"Yes," she said gently, hovering over me and staring down at me intently.

I was sick of holding it all inside. I felt like a balloon being filled with air and expanding every second until I had reached my limit and was ready to pop. I had to be honest with Veronica and with myself. So, I took the deepest breath I ever took and finally set my unspoken words free.

"Veronica, I think I'm falling for you."


	7. Thus With a Kiss I am Reborn

**CHAPTER 7: Thus With a Kiss I am Reborn**

The expression on Veronica's face said… nothing. Absolutely nothing.

And then I saw something that appeared to be joy wash over her and she smiled. It was a smile that shone so bright even the heavens were blinded.

"You're happy," I said.

It wasn't a question. It was a simple statement that held no puzzlement or shock. Because, deep down, I knew all along that this is what she wanted.

And it was what I wanted, too.

She sat down beside me and I felt burning baby fishes swimming in my stomach.

"Happy doesn't even describe it."

We gazed into each others eyes as silence surrounded us. Words did not need to be spoken. She felt what I felt, and that was all that really mattered.

The clock stopped and time froze as her face slowly inched towards mine. That glorious scent of vanilla hit me like a tidal wave and bathed the air around us. Her moist lips softly met mine and I basked in their warmth. My nerves were heightened and my body felt like it was floating. I didn't even need to close my eyes; They were already squeezed shut. It was instinctive.

She pulled back and I wanted to cry at the loss of contact.

"Are you okay?" she whispered.

I was unable to speak. The only thing I knew was that I desperately needed her lips touching mine again.

I leaned forward and pressed my mouth against hers. It wasn't enough, though. I felt my body begging for more.

She ran her tongue across my lips and I granted the entrance. We explored one another's mouths with our tongues as our bodies moved closer. I clutched her shoulders tightly as her hands cupped either side of my face. The kiss deepened as our tongues fought a battle that neither one of us would win. Quiet moans escaped from my mouth as I felt the heat rising inside of me. Her right hand left my face and roamed to my lower back. My body was sensitive to her touch and I felt my skin burning. Her breathing grew heavy and she would let out a small gasp here and there.

The entire world fell away as we kissed. In that moment, the only thing I saw, felt, smelled, tasted, and wanted was Veronica. That was where I belonged.

I was finally home.

**-NEXT-**

We were lying on my bed, facing one another. She looked so beautiful.

_She is beautiful._

After our fiery kiss, we decided to lay down and just watch one another. We were both amazed at how passionate the kiss was and how everything seemed to fall into place the instant that our lips met.

I was surprised that kissing someone could be so powerful. I never imagined that I could feel that way with another person. It was as though I had lost myself within her and found myself within her at the same time.

For the past few days, I had been plagued with the question of whether or not it was right for me to feel that way about Veronica, but that question no longer lingered in my mind.

I knew it was right and there was not one single soul on the planet who could've convinced me otherwise.

Lying there watching her, I felt connected to her.

I felt complete.

I couldn't help but marvel at how incredibly gorgeous she was as she lay across from me, staring into my eyes. She didn't need to say anything. The look in her eyes spoke volumes.

_This is perfect. This is bliss._

**-NEXT-**

"Lizzie, Veronica's mother just called and said that she wants Veronica home now."

"Okay, dad."

Veronica had to be home in time for dinner. The fact that she was leaving made my heart ache.

"Will you call me?" I asked as she opened my bedroom door.

"Of course I will, silly."

We stood there for a minute, smiling at one another. And then she moved forward and pressed her lips against mine, but it was only for a second. It was one of those brief goodbye lip-locks that said, 'I may have to leave, but you know I still want you.'

"I promise I'll call you later."

And with that, she turned to leave.

I shut my door and began squealing like a giddy school girl. I felt something that I hadn't felt in a long time.

Happiness.

"Lizzie, dinner is ready."

"Okay dad, I'll be right there."

With one last squeal of delight, I threw my door open and ran down the stairs.

**-NEXT-**

It was nine 'o' clock and I was lying in the darkness of my bedroom. All I could do was think of Veronica and the earth shattering kiss we shared.

_She is so amazing._

The sound of the phone ringing caused me to jump.

_Relax McGuire, it's just the phone._

I grabbed it from the cradle on my nightstand and said hello.

"Is this Lizzie?"

It was Veronica.

"Hey there!" I said, the butterflies madly fluttering around inside of me.

"I told you I'd call."

"Yes, you definitely did."

And so, we spent the next eight hours chatting to one another. We exchanged bizarre family stories, shared our favorite movies, talked about how horrible our siblings were, and discussed politics (neither one of us cared too much about that one).

But what I enjoyed most was really getting to know her. It was odd falling for a girl I had barely known, but learning about her past and her family was enjoyable. She was born and raised in Baltimore, Maryland and was the youngest of three children. Her older sister Natasha was twenty two and lived in Los Angeles. She was newly married and worked in real estate. Her older brother Clayton was twenty and lived at home while he attended the local community college studying business. She revealed to me that he became heavily involved with drugs during high school and ran away to New York City after graduation. He showed up back home a month shy of his nineteenth birthday, addicted to heroine. Her parents put him into rehab and he had managed to get his life back on track and was clean for over a year.

"And when did you guys decide to move to California?"

"Last Thanksgiving. We arrived here during Christmas and I was actually taking high school classes over the internet for a little while, but I ended up enrolling at Hillridge High."

"Well why did your parents just suddenly decide to move your family out here to California, and why were you taking classes over the internet?"

She became quiet for a moment and then answered, "I don't know, they're just weird like that."

Something about her hesitation and response didn't sit well with me, but I decided not to push the matter any further.

So, we talked until sunrise until we both decided that it was time for some sleep. I promised to call her back, and that was one promise I intended to keep.

"Sleep well, Veronica."

"I will, Liz."

I heard a click and then the long drone of the dial tone. I pushed the 'off' button, set the phone down, curled up under my blankets, and drifted off into a peaceful sleep with a smile stretched across my face.

_Life is good._


	8. Doll Eyed Darling

**CHAPTER 8: Doll-Eyed Darling**

I called Veronica the following day. We made plans to have a picnic at the park later that night.

I had never gone on a picnic, let alone one at night.

Upon requesting permission to go, I received the ultimate guilt trip from my mother.

"We were going to have a night out as a family," she said as she stood in front of the refrigerator, pulling out a blue plastic bottle of Aquafina water.

The cool air escaping from the open fridge caused a series of goose bumps to break out on the top layer of my skin.

"I know, mom. But I'm with you guys all the time."

She slammed the door shut and scoffed.

"Yes, and that is because you are a part of this family!"

She twisted the cap off of the water bottle and took an angry sip from it.

"I know I'm part of the family! And that is what I'm saying. I do stuff with the family all the time. Why can't I just go out tonight?"

She rolled her eyes and shook her head.

"You haven't even joined us for dinner these past few evenings, Lizzie. You've just been sitting up in your bedroom and moping around. I don't know what has gotten into you. All your father and I want is for the four of us to go out to eat and then go bowling. Is that too much to ask? Huh, is it? You've become so selfish lately and when we ask you to give us a few hours of your time on one evening you say you'd rather go out with Veronica."

I was confused. Why was she snapping at me?

"But mom, it isn't like that!"

"Oh yes it is. I spend my days cooking for this family, cleaning for this family, and just trying to run a decent household. And what do I get? Bullshit from you! I sacrifice for you and your brother, but you are too self-involved to spend some time with me, with us, with your family! I don't know what your problem is little girl, but you better figure it out. I've put up with your sudden bout of moodiness this past week. I've tried to talk to you but you've refused to tell me what's wrong. So I let it slide. I let you hide out in your room when I really should've dragged your ass downstairs and made you sit at the dinner table with us. But I decided to let you sort things out for yourself. I don't what is going on in your life because you won't tell me. Maybe it's just normal teenage angst, maybe you really do have a problem, or maybe you're just too selfish to care about anyone but yourself."

My mother was beyond angry. She didn't swear unless she was incredibly pissed off and up until that point in time she never, not even once in my entire life, accused me of being self-centered. She was always raving over my academic achievements and good behavior. But here she was, accusing me of being suffocatingly self-indulgent.

Part of me felt guilty. I had always admired my mother for her selflessness. For putting her family's needs before her own, and for being so dedicated to us.

But my rage pulled a wool cap over my eyes. I felt as though she was somehow trying to sabotage what Veronica and I had, which in hindsight was an utterly ridiculous thing to think, considering the fact that she hadn't the slightest idea of what was going on between Veronica and I.

But in that moment, I was convinced that she was purposely standing in the way of me being with Veronica.

_How dare she try to take away my happiness? Who does she think she is, ruining my plans to be with the one and only person who brings so much joy into my life?_

"OH GIVE IT A REST, MOM!" I shouted at the top of my lungs. "I'M selfish! Please. I think YOU'RE the selfish one! Thinking you own me just because you cook and clean and do laundry. Big freakin' deal. NEWSLFASH, JO MCGUIRE: IT'S YOUR JOB AS A MOTHER TO DO ALL OF THAT SHIT!"

I could see her eyes widening underneath her glasses. At first, I couldn't read her expression. I think she was more shocked than anything. And then her face twisted into fury, but quickly melted into sadness.

"Just go with your friend," she said quietly.

She looked so hurt.

I felt the weight of guilt holding my body down like a steel anchor. I wanted to apologize, but I couldn't find my voice. Instead, I walked out of the kitchen.

**-NEXT- **

Veronica and I had made plans to meet at the bus stop down the road from my house. I would wait for her until the bus arrived and be there when she got off of it. She didn't drive, either. She told me her parents wouldn't even allow her to get her permit. When I asked why, she suddenly became quiet and said, '…Just because.'

There was something odd about Veronica's family that I couldn't quite put my finger on. She was very secretive about her home life. When I would begin to ask questions, she'd grow quiet and offer something short of an explanation. I was extremely curious as to what went on in the Royersbea household, but I knew Veronica would never tell me. I had some sort of inkling that she didn't want to just keep her skeletons in the closet; She wanted to put a padlock on the closet door so no one could ever get in.

_Will she ever let me in?_

Making my way to the front door, I left home and began walking down the sidewalk. The sun was setting over the line of houses on the block. Children were gliding down the street on their bicycles, heading home to wash their hands for dinner. The barking of the neighborhood dogs had silenced as they retreated into their little wooden houses, preparing to settle down for the evening.

Many people don't know this, but you can smell the end of the day. Well, at least I could. And when I took a deep breath and inhaled the evening air, I could smell the day coming to an end. There was something rather calming about it.

As my plastic sandals clacked against the pavement, I spotted a hooded figure in the distance walking towards me. This person was hunched over and walking in an uneven line and mumbling aimlessly to themselves. I noticed that they were donning a familiar looking dark brown hooded sweatshirt.

_Hey, Matt has that same sweatshirt. Wait a minute… that IS Matt!_

"Matt!" I yelled, quickening my pace to meet up with him.

"What do you want?" he asked, the hood cloaking his face.

"Are you okay? You're walking kind of weird."

He shifted his head to look at me, and in doing that, the already loose hood slipped back to reveal his face.

His eyes were blood-shot and glazed over.

"Matt, what is-"

"Shut the fuck up," he said, pulling the hood back around his face and digging his hands into his pockets.

"What the hell have you been doing, Matt?"

"Did you not hear me the first time, you bitch? I said SHUT. THE. FUCK. UP."

He started to walk away when I reached out and grabbed his arm, stopping him in his tracks.

"Are you stoned?" I asked in complete shock.

He yanked his arm free from my grasp and pushed me with so much force that I lost my footing and fell to the ground. Then he turned his back to me and continued to walk away.

I didn't even bother to get up. I just sat there on the ground in stunned silence, my ass throbbing in pain from the hard fall.

_My little brother is a stoner now. Wonder-fucking-ful._

**-NEXT-**

I sat on the bench encased by the glass shelter that you see at every bus stop. You know, the glass box that people sit in when they are awaiting a bus to arrive to pick them up and deliver them to their destination.

Sitting there totally bored, a childish thought entered my mind. I turned to face the glass that my back was leaning against. Putting my face against it, I exhaled a puff of warm air to make a fog on it. And then I used my index finger to write something on the cloudy glass.

'V + L'

I looked at my little message and giggled at how absolutely juvenile it was to do such a thing. But you're only young once, right?

Suddenly, I heard the loud motor of the bus coming from up ahead. I hopped off the bench and ran to the curb. The bus turned the corner and pulled up beside me.

My heart began to thump as I felt the excitement of seeing Veronica take over my entire body.

The door of the Greyhound folded open like an accordion. I quickly smoothed out the creases in my clothing and combed my fingers through my hair.

_I hope I look alright._

Out came a frail looking older woman with a metal cane. She stepped off of the bus and poked the cane into the cement. She hobbled in front of the Greyhound and across the road, the cane tap-tapping with each step she took.

After her came a younger woman with long blonde curls, carrying a crying baby in one hand and toting an umbrella in the other.

"Looks like I don't have any use for this today," she said to me as she gestured to the umbrella.

"I guess not," I responded, smiling politely.

She stepped onto the sidewalk. As she walked away, I heard her shushing her bawling toddler and saying, "Calm down, Tonya. We'll be home soon to see your daddy."

I looked to see who was exiting the bus next. And then I saw her.

She stood there at the door, a smile playing across her lips. She had her backpack over her shoulders.

I waved to her and she waved back. And then she came down the steps and met me on the curb. Just as I was about to greet her with a 'hello', she threw her arms around me and clutched my body tightly against hers. I was pleasantly surprised. As I wrapped my arms around her, I heard the sound of the bus door folding shut and the motor booming as the Greyhound pulled away.

We stood there for a good five minutes, embracing as though we were holding onto one another for dear life.

Finally, her arms slowly loosened from around my shoulders like double-knotted shoelaces being untied.

She let go of me and looked into my eyes for a moment.

_She is so gorgeous._

"I missed you, beautiful," she said, inching her face towards mine and planting a kiss on my lips.

Suddenly, a feeling of panic came over me and I pushed her away.

"What? What's wrong?" she asked in confusion.

_Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh no! Is there anyone around? Did anyone see that?_

I whipped my head back and forth, scanning the surrounding area to see if anyone was around.

"What is wrong with you, Veronica!"

She stepped back, shaking her head in bewilderment.

"What are you talking about, Lizzie?"

"You can't just do that! You can't just-" I leaned forward and finished in a whisper, "-Kiss me in public."

"Why not?"

"Why not! Because! People might see."

She frowned.

"So you care if people see us together?"

The look on her face was enough to bring me to my knees. I hated that hurt look of hers. She was so adorable. Who would ever want to hurt her?

"No," I said apologetically, "It's just – I'm not ready to be open about it."

She nodded.

"I understand," she said in disappointment.

"Come on, Veronica. Please don't be upset."

"I'm sorry, Liz. You are so amazing, though."

_She thinks I'm amazing._

"No, you're the amazing one, Miss Royersbea. Now come on, the park is calling for us."

I knew a shortcut to the park, so we took it. On our route, we had to walk through two neighborhoods and along a busy main road.

"You know, I love cities and towns at night," Veronica said, gazing at the line of small homes that decorated the road. "Just look at all of those houses. You can see the lights in them glowing. And look at the traffic. All of those cars with their headlights and tail lights."

I looked at the traffic up ahead. The headlights and tail lights of the cars looked like tiny lightning bugs in the distance.

Veronica was right; it was definitely something to love.

During that walk, there was something that I had wanted to do so very badly but refrained from doing because to the fact that we were still in the public eye. But when we found ourselves in a small back alley, I finally had my chance. As Veronica chattered on about her favorite novels, I reached down and took her hand in mine. It was so warm and soft. I felt the heat radiate through my body.

She turned to me, smiled, and then continued talking.

**-NEXT-**

By the time we arrived at the park, the sun had set, but the sky was still full of traces of it. There were yellows here and pinks there.

"That looks like a good spot," Veronica said, pointing to a grassy area below a large tree.

We walked over to it and Veronica took her backpack off. Setting it on the ground, she unzipped it and pulled out a fluffy mint green quilt.

"That's so pretty!" I exclaimed.

"Thanks," she said, holding the corners of it as she flung it outward. When she did, it made a 'whish' noise and stayed suspended in mid-air for a brief moment before floating down to the ground.

She then grabbed a few more items out of her backpack. Two sandwiches in small plastic bags, a container of bright red strawberries, a small baggy full of chocolate chip cookies, and something in a gold bottle.

"Uh, what is that?" I asked motioning towards the bottle.

She set it down on the blanket and smiled wickedly at me.

"It's Champagne."

"Champagne!"

She nodded.

"Where did you get it?"

"My parents have a bunch of old wines and champagnes in the cellar."

"So you stole it?"

"Well, no…" she trailed off.

"Yes!" I said with a chuckle.

"No, it's not stealing, per se. It's… taking something without asking."

She giggled and I couldn't help but smile.

_She's so cute when she giggles._

I sat down on the blanket, leaning back on both elbows. Veronica sat down beside me and handed me a sandwich.

"What's on it?" I asked, sitting up and un-wrapping it.

"Peanut butter and jelly, the same as mine. Is that okay?"

I nodded and smiled.

"I love peanut butter and jelly, Veronica."

"Good!"

"You know, you didn't have to handle all of the food arrangements. I told you I'd be happy to take care of it all or at least help you."

Veronica reached forward and lightly touched my bare wrist.

"I wanted to do it, Lizzie."

She gently caressed my wrist with the tips of her fingers, sending tingles through me.

"I'm really glad we decided to have this picnic," I whispered, staring into her eyes.

"Me too," she responded.

We ate our sandwiches in silence. There was no need for words. The chirping of the crickets was enough.

**-NEXT-**

"So they thought Miranda stole the lipstick, even though she bought it, like, a week earlier!"

"Oh my god, so the mall security guard took her away?"

"Yep, and her parents had to come and get her. It was so funny."

"Were you upset at the time?"

"Of course, she was my best friend! But now? Well, now I could care less. Good riddance to the bitch."

Veronica and I were discussing funny stories from our pasts. I seemed to be doing all the sharing though as Veronica sat there and laughed.

I assumed she lacked many laugh-worthy moments from her past.

The bottle of champagne lay untouched on the blanket. I think the both of us had trepidations about consuming it.

"So," I said, picking up the champagne and reading the label. "Gosset? I've never heard of this champagne before. Then again, I'm not too familiar with champagne."

"Well, it's French, I know that. I don't know, my parents have all kinds of fancy champagnes. Most of them have never been opened."

"Including this one," I said, noticing that it was sealed.

"So, do you want to drink it?"

I nodded.

"We didn't even eat these," Veronica said, grabbing the container of strawberries.

"Well why don't we eat them now?" I suggested.

"Sounds good to me."

And so, we broke the cap off of the bottle and took turns sipping the champagne as we lay on the quilt eating strawberries.

"I have something else," Veronica said, biting into a fresh strawberry and then taking a sip of the Gosset.

She reached for her backpack and pulled out a small black CD player.

"You brought a CD player?" I asked.

"Mmmhmm."

She fiddled around with it, pushing a few buttons until she finally got it to work.

She turned to me and smiled.

"Bingo."

Suddenly, music began to pour from the speakers. It was a song that I had never heard before.

Veronica rose to her feet and extended her hand to me.

"Dance with me?"

I set the champagne down and took her hand as she pulled me up.

She put her hands on my waist and I put mine around her shoulders as we slowly danced.

"Who is this?"

"Frank Sinatra."

"Oh," I said, "I've never listened to his music before."

"Do you like it?"

I grinned at her.

"I love it."

As our feet moved, we gazed into each other's eyes. She was so beautiful. I couldn't believe I was fortunate enough to have such an incredible girl in my arms. And, as I stared into her captivating brown doll-eyes, my lips met hers. Those luscious, soft, moist lips that I loved and craved. My hands moved from her shoulders to her hair. I ran my fingers through the soft auburn locks as I felt her hands move and her fingers lazily drawing circles on my back.

_Heavenly._

After a few moments, we broke the kiss and pressed our foreheads together as we danced to the rhythm of Sinatra's relaxing voice.

'Those fingers in my hair  
That sly come hither stare

That strips my conscience bare  
It's witchcraft  
And I've got no defense for it  
The heat is too intense for it  
What good would common sense for it do'

I took my hands from Veronica's shoulders and wrapped them around her waist, while she took her hands from around my waist and wrapped them around my shoulders. And then she leaned forward and cradled her head on my shoulder as we clung to each other and moved to the music.

It was an unforgettable night; Holding Veronica in my arms as we danced underneath the starry night sky, our bodies moving in synchronicity, the smell of champagne and strawberries on our breaths and the sound of Frank Sinatra filling the air around us.

Those are the moments you live for.

_Perfect._


End file.
